


Baltimore Syndrome

by heavyguiltysoul, ilovetea



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Alex Gaskarth is a little shit, Angst, Eating Disorders, Jack Barakat is a sunshine, Kidnapping, M/M, Minor Violence, Stockholm Syndrome, and jack talks too much, tbh alex is just a misunderstood angry puppy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-05-19 04:03:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 42,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5952951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavyguiltysoul/pseuds/heavyguiltysoul, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovetea/pseuds/ilovetea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After seeing an unusual customer who catches his attention, Alex comes up with a plan. A terrible one, but a plan nevertheless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down. Slaps cure everything.

_**Jack** _

“Asshole!” I shrieked as a black Mercedes shot past me at 80 mph and right through a puddle of mud, the yucky brown substance splashing all over my clothes. I held up the middle finger, even though the driver couldn’t see it anymore, and muttered under my breath, before trying to clean myself up. Which obviously didn’t work and I created even more of a mess on my white shirt. _Good job, Jack._ I groaned and gave up.

It was nearly two in the morning and I was walking home on my own in rain because Rian, my best friend, had taken my car to drive home with this chick he had met at the bar earlier. To be more precise, he took it because he wanted to get into the girl's pants and forgot about me. He tends to completely wipe out my existence at those times, when his dick takes over his brain. I wasn’t being bitter. _Well, maybe a little. I wasn’t exactly having the time of my life._ Yet I couldn’t really blame him, the chick in question was rather cute. Not that I swing that way, but I could still appreciate her looks. Maybe Rian had finally found a girlfriend.

Ever since we graduated from high school, I’d wake up in the middle of the night to Rian whining about how girls sucked and how he’d never get into a serious relationship. His family always asked him if he had finally met someone and it would always get on his nerves. He’d even go as far as to start wondering whether he should start dating guys. Rian’s problem was that he always went for the girls who wanted nothing more than to hook up and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, even though hearing him babble about turning gay was quite entertaining.

However, Rian was also the reason why I found myself wandering all the way from South Charles Street to my house on the other side of the city, alone, wet and with only my earbuds to keep me company. I _hated_ that bastard. I unlocked my iPod and went through the list of albums, finally settling on Green Day’s _¡UNO!_ and then slipping it back into my pocket.

I pulled my hand through my already messy, dripping hair and sighed. I was a 23-year-old with no proper job, no boyfriend and no plans for my future. The only two indubitable things I did have were a house I shared with my best (annoying) friend and a mostly fucked up relationship with my parents.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my parents and they loved me (at least my mum did), plus they were the reason I had survived this far. On the other hand, I felt like they spoilt me to the core of my soul when I was a kid and now I had finally grown to see how that was a horrifying thing. They paid for everything – for my studies, for my house, even for my new car – and I grew too dependent on them. I was messed up and a rebel too. I understood that but couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to do to change that.

I walked past an empty park and continued my tiresome journey, head filling with even more thoughts. My watch showed thirty past two and my body was finally starting to show the effects of being out while drenched to the skin. I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body to keep myself from shivering and my earbuds started blasting Green Day’s _Warning_.

“Is it the cop, or am I the one that's really dangerous, sanitation, expiration date, question everything,” I hummed to myself, a smirk crossing my features. This was one of my favourites and a Green Day classic, so I had learnt to play it on my guitar as well, often performing it at a local bar.

In fact, I would rather enjoy leaving my shitty life behind to become a musician. It had always been a dream of mine, ever since the first years of my adolescence when I started listening to my all time favourite Blink and ordered my parents to buy me a guitar. They obviously complied and soon I started losing myself to the world of music. It kept me strong and brought me up – changed me from the complete douche I was before to the person that was now trying to find the right way in his life. I guess it gave me reasonability. The only problem was that the music business was very competitive and I didn’t know if I could ever pull through.

With my hands shoved deep into my pockets and a stupid smile plastered over my face, I didn’t see the three dark figures closing the distance behind me. Quite ironic.

“Or shut up and be a victim of authority.. Warning, live without warning,” I murmured with my eyes closed, before my breath hitched and I realized that something was, in fact, very, very wrong. That, or I was becoming paranoid.

I pulled out one of my earbuds as I swung around, only to get thrown down onto the wet pavement. “What the fuck are you-” I got cut off when a fist collided with my face, knocking my head against the hard pavement. I whimpered and curled up as my gaze turned white before a sharp pain shot through my head and the pure white turned into red.

“Get the car!” one of the figures shouted and it was the last thing I heard before I blacked out completely.

-

I groaned and winced, pain shooting through my head and then the rest of my body. My sides hurt like hell, my back was completely stiff and I had no memories whatsoever of why the hell every inch of my body was aching. “Fuck,” I breathed out. It took me a while but I gradually became used to the uncomfortable feeling in my hips and chest and decided to open my eyes. However, when I did, I was welcomed by darkness. _Wait. What?_  
“Hey.”

I froze as soon as the word reached my ears, the events of the previous night finally emerging from my memories. _Well, fuck. I should’ve third-wheeled Rian and the chick._ I tried to move my hands but was greeted by the sound of my handcuffs rattling against a metal bar. The logical conclusion was to try and sit up, so that was precisely what I did. I quickly pulled myself up, the feeling of the sharp cuffs around my wrists becoming more obvious. However, I didn’t expect another wave of pain to shoot through me. Through my head, to be specific. “Fucking hell,” I cried out, slumping back down onto what could only be a cold, hard floor.

“You alright?” the voice from before asked.

I couldn’t help but let out a shaky laugh in response. “Have been better. Head feels like mashed potatoes.”

The owner of the voice sighed. “Sorry about that, it wasn’t planned. I just happen to know someone who apparently can’t control himself and his strength.”

“I can feel that,” I winced again as I tried to sit up once more, this time being careful to do it slowly. _Are you really making small talk with a possible maniac?_ “Do I get an explanation?”

“Sorry, Barakat. I’m just here to make sure you’re alright,” the voice stated.

I flinched when I heard my last name leave the stranger’s lips. “I’m the opposite of alright, thank you.” The panic building up in my head was threatening to come loose as I heard my blood pumping through my veins, all traces of pain leaving my body. “Can I at least know if I should start bidding farewell to my life?” I tried to take deep breaths to keep myself calm. _This is no time for losing control, Jack._

“Dude, we’re not serial killers!” the stranger exclaimed, almost chirped, losing their harsh act and I laughed through my panic because they seemed offended and that had to be one of the most hilarious things I had ever witnessed.

“Alright,” I uttered. “Kidnapping for ransom, then. I guess I can deal with that,” I whispered more to myself than to anyone else, hoping to calm myself down. My hands started to tremble and my deep breaths turned into gasps, no matter how hard I tried to relax. I felt a pair of hands touch my shoulders and momentarily shrugged them off.

“Get the hell away,” I cried and tried to take control of my frantic breathing. The hands immediately let go of me and I thought I heard footsteps leaving the room. I pulled my legs closer to my body, despite the discomfort it caused, and shut my eyes tightly behind the blindfold. _It’s just a panic attack, just a panic attack, I’m not dying, I’ll be fine._

The footsteps returned.

_Jesus Christ. I’m pathetic._

The next second I felt warmth from a body that pressed against my right side and a hand sneaked around my shoulders.

 _And fucked as well._  
I tried to pull away, but the grip held me in place. “I told you to fuck off, y-you’re not fucking helping!” I shouted.

“No, you didn’t,” a new voice stated. The mix of sweetness and composure the voice held made me relax for a second (not that I would ever admit that), but the touch still felt uncomfortable and was definitely not helping.

“Deep breaths, you can do it,” the voice whispered. I felt the person leave my side and sit down in front of me, both of their palms now on my shoulders. “Deep breaths,” they repeated.

“I’m trying,” I whimpered, pulling air into my lungs.

“No, you’re not, come on,” the person said and I felt like punching them.

“I-I am, fuck off,” I cried out, annoyed by this whole pathetic situation.

The hands left my shoulders and for a second I was sure my kidnappers had decided I was going to die of a heart attack and just left me to it, when a palm collided with my cheek. It wasn’t too rough, but just enough to leave me agape and my cheek stinging.

 _Did they just fucking slap me?_  
I gasped and glared through my blindfold. “What the fuck was that for!?”

“You weren’t listening to me. Welcome back,” the person said with what could only be a smile in their voice and got up. I heard two pairs of footsteps and the creak of doors before a key was turned and silence surrounded me. I continued taking steady breaths until I felt safe again, pressing my back against the cool wall behind me. What the hell had I got myself into?

I took a deep breath and froze, trying to hear if there was someone else near me. There was nothing but dead silence. I stayed still for a couple more minutes until I was sure there was no one around me before letting out a breath of relief and lying back down onto the uncomfortable floor, despite the pain. My hands were still above my head, cuffed to a metal bar, reminding me that I’d wake up feeling even more tired.

I considered screaming and shouting because, well, perhaps there was someone who could hear me and that was also what people did in most of the mainstream films, but that just seemed too illogical. I was here, so this whole thing had been planned and all I could do for now was just deal with it and try to figure out how I could get myself free without becoming someone’s punching bag. More importantly, I wanted to understand why the hell this happened to me and what exactly was going on.

“That’s what you get for being a failure,” I muttered to myself, unaware of the dark brown eyes looking at me.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like.. -awkward wave-
> 
> originally i came across this idea back in early 2014 but it took a while for it to become a proper story. thankfully, with the help of the amazing ilovetea, this story is now on a roll. at the start of this fic jack is 23 and alex is 24, and that's pretty much all you have to know for now. enjoy!
> 
> title song playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eebfMFzJHNs&index=1&list=PLwsPzjMwQZghcnA5UdANYjYNJisnDAp1a
> 
> guilty x


	2. Lying Is The Most Fun...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who you gonna call? Well, not Brendon. Booty calls are for when there isn't a dude handcuffed to your room's heater.

_**Alex** _

I do feel bad for what we’ve done. A part of me does, yet I know that Zack, Jaime and Vic have doubts. I’ve known them for quite some time now, which means that they know more about me than I would like. But the problem is that they don’t understand. They don’t understand what it feels like to be put down for most of my life. They don’t understand what it’s like to have everyone ignoring you. They don’t understand what it’s like to feel powerless.

Standing in the middle of my room and watching as Jack tried to get himself in a slightly less uncomfortable position, made me feel some sort of joy. Seeing that he was completely in our mercy made my blood rush faster, giving me that bit of an adrenaline I never knew I craved.

What surprised me though, was the fact that he hadn’t tried to call for help. Or tried to break free. Anything. He just let everything happen as we had planned. While I was watching him, not once he pulled on his restrictions. He didn’t try to get the blindfold off or anything.

I watched him for a while longer after he stopped moving and was laying still on the floor, but I got tired of it, seeing as I’ve been up since early morning and it was definitely past midnight by now. I moved to turn off the lights in the room, causing Jack to jump. His head shot up, turning to face me, the blindfold keeping him from actually seeing me, or anything in the room.

“Who’s there?” he asked, his voice slightly shaky.

“You know it’s kind of stupid to ask that, right?” I chuckled, turning the lights off and climbing in my bed.

I moved around in the bed, trying to get comfortable while still being able to see Jack’s silhouette in the darkness.

“So now I have a babysitter?” he asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Don’t be an idiot. Since you’re occupying my room, we’re kind of a room mates now,” I joked.

“Didn’t ask to be locked here with a psycho,” he muttered.

“No one here is a psycho and I’ll let that slip cause you’re tired and freaked out, it’s late and I want to sleep,” I pulled covers closer around my body, “so please shut up.”

He didn’t answer me and I smiled at that. It’s kind of good that he’s not putting much of a fight up against us. Easier for everyone. All we had to do now was figure out how to get money out of his parents. First half of the plan went smoothly.

My high school life wasn’t what everyone says it’s going to be. I didn’t get invited to parties, I didn’t date anyone, I obviously wasn’t popular, but thanks god I wasn’t bullied either. Most of my high school years I was ignored. Like I didn’t even exist. No one ever noticed whether I was in the class or not. Even teachers rarely acknowledged my presence.

That could’ve had something to do with my outbursts, but it wasn’t my fault. At that time I didn’t  
know how to control myself and my family couldn’t afford to find someone to help me. I was sent to a doctor once, but the moment he told my parents how much the medicaments would cost, they ignored it. They ignored me completely from that point. At first I was angry at them. I would yell at them, demand an explanation, but obviously they had none. They had nothing to say to me and over the years I got used to that.

Some would say that being ignored is better than constantly being picked on by someone, but you can only understand what is worse when you’ve felt it on your own skin. When you’re being picked on, at least you know you exist. I wasn’t sure of my existence for way too long. I had to fight to be notices, to be acknowledged while people like Jack Barakat had it all – the good looks, money, attention.

After high school things thankfully changed for better. I found people to call friends, I got the help I needed and I got attention I wanted, and left everyone who ignored me behind. That was a really good feeling and I finally felt free. I was my own boss. Both – literally and figuratively.

Although things weren’t going as great as they could have, we managed to pull through. That was until few months ago rent got higher and we physically couldn’t earn enough at the coffee shop. It doesn’t matter how many hours we work. People just don’t tend to waste their nights in a coffee place. It’s not like that would be a bar or something.

And then Jack Barakat just walked through the doors, completely ignoring me behind the counter as he placed his order, finding his damn phone to be more interesting than me, or his coffee. It was painful. It brought back too many memories and a thought popped into my head. A thought that could solve all of our problems if everything goes as it should.

\---

“Hey,” the doors were suddenly opened and Zack’s head popped in, “one of your booty calls is here and I think we can all agree it’s best if you get rid of…them,” he quickly said, obviously trying to hide as much information as possible, seeing as Jack had sat up straighter once the doors were opened.

“Shit,” I muttered, swinging my legs off the bed.

I quickly walked over to Jack and took a hold on his chin, turning his head towards me even though he wasn’t able to see me, “if you make any sound, I’ll smash your face,” I said with a smile on my lips, enjoying a light tremble his body gave at my words. I patted his head and stood up to leave the room.

Zack was standing by the doors, shocked look on his face, “did you really need to say that?” he whispered to me as I was to leave the room.

“Keep an eye on him, will you? So I don’t have to do what I just said,” I gently pushed him inside of the room, closing the doors behind him.

Running my fingers through my hair and trying to make myself look presentable, I walked the short way towards the front doors to meet one of my booty calls, as Zack liked to call them.

They guy was leaning against the wall, hands crossed over his chest and eyes having a blank look in them as he was staring at the wall.

“Hey,” I said, making him jump as he hadn’t noticed me.

“Hi, cutie,” his face lit up and he pushed himself away from the wall, “you didn’t call me last night, I thought we were gonna hang out together…have some fun,” he pouted, coming closer to me and wrapping his arms around me.

“Sorry, I was busy,” I mumbled and closed my eyes as he leaned closer, expecting a kiss.

“What was more important than me, huh?” he bumped his nose against mine, but I suddenly felt irritated by his question.

“Excuse me?” I pushed him away, “We are nothing! A lot of things can be more important than you!” I exclaimed, seeing his expression turn to bewilderment, “My mother could’ve been dying but all you care about is getting laid!”

“Your mom was…” his eyes widened.

“No! I don’t have a mother and you know that!” I nearly yelled.

“Sorry,” he said, looking like I would’ve kicked him or something.

I sighed, closing my eyes and lightly pinching my nose to calm myself down, “you need to go.”

He didn’t seem to understand me, as he didn’t move at all, instead placing his hands back on my hips, “are you okay?”

I really wanted to punch him, but that reminded me of last night and Jack, and my hand was still hurting, and…yeah…I slumped in his chest, wrapping my arms around him and breathing in his scent to calm myself down.

“You really need to go, Brendon. This is really not a good time,” I said, closing my eyes and reveling in the feeling of his fingers running up and down my back.

“Promise to call me if you need anything, okay?” he asked, lightly pressing his lips to my hair.

“Yeah, fine,” I sighed, pulling away from him and pushing him towards the doors.

He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before I closed the doors and leaned against them. I didn’t want to return to my room. Zack was looking at me like I was crazy and I’m sure he didn’t trust me to be alone with Jack, seeing as he checked on us more than two times during the night. I was able to see Vic sitting on the living room couch, throwing worried glances my direction and god knows where Jaime was. Probably at the police station already, telling that there’s a guy in  
our apartment.

“Where’s Jaime?” I called to Vic, not ready to leave my place in front of the door.

“Out. Buying some food,” he called back, before turning around in his seat to have a better look at me, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” I leaned my head against the doors.

“I get it that this situation you’ve put us in, is not the best, but you seriously gotta pull yourself together. If not, then Brendon is not going to be the only one who notices that something is wrong,” Vic propped his elbows on the back of the couch.

“Shut up!” I grumbled, pushing myself away from the doors and going back to my room.

Vic was right though, I had to pull myself together before they start to catch up. I was able to do that before and it’s not like this is forever. We just have to get the money. Then everything will be fine. For me and for them. And Jack will be out of our lives or good.

I could hear voices behind the closed doors, meaning that Zack was talking to Jack. Or other way around. Doesn’t change the fact that they were talking and that is not good. Nor is it smart from Zack’s part.

I opened the doors, glaring at Zack who was sat on my bed, his body turned towards Jack. I noticed Jack shrinking in on himself, his body becoming tensed. It was actually quite funny to see how he always turned his head towards the noise. Like he was hoping to see something through that blindfold.

“He needs something to eat,” Zack calmly said to me.

“No, he doesn’t,” Jack answered before I could even open my mouth to say something.

I frowned at the answer, my eyes meeting Zack’s, confused look on his face.

“Don’t need you to poison me too,” Jack mumbled, pulling his knees up as best as he could, “but a chance to go to the bathroom would be great,” he said with a little bit of confidence evident in his voice.

“You’re not a child. Can wait a bit longer,” I said in a sweet tone.

I motioned for Zack to leave the room, but he stayed seated on my bed. I clenched my teeth, pointing a finger at him and then at the doors, but he just shook his head. Even though I considered him to be my best friend, sometimes I just wanted to strangle him. He could be so stubborn and not listen to me. Sometimes it was useful, but not when he was stubbornly sitting in my room and refusing to leave.

I sighed loudly and turned around to leave, but Jack’s voice stopped me, “so no bathroom for me?”

“Oh, for Christ sake! Take him to a bathroom and hold his hand while he does his business,” I said in a mocking tone, glaring at Jack even if he couldn’t see that.

I could feel annoyance and anger radiating from Zack. I knew he will have something to say to me. Actually, I was surprised he hadn’t said anything to me about the last night yet. After I punched Jack few too many times. All I got from Zack was a disapproving look. But I didn’t feel like he needed to give me a lecture about that. I did feel bad about that. The guy’s face looked like it had seen a better days, dried blood decorating his lip and nose, some also smeared across his cheek. Not to mention that my hand hurt every time I moved my fingers.

I watched from my spot by the doors as Zack untied Jack, keeping a strong hold on his arm as he helped him stand up. I felt the need to yell at Vic to keep an eye on the front doors, but that might put some unwanted thoughts in our captives head.

“My whole body feels broken,” Barakat whined as he finally stood up straight, his faced scrunched up in discomfort.

“Excuse us that we can’t provide you with a high class service,” I replied, sending a glare his way, yet keeping a smile on my lips.

He kept his mouth shut, stumbling over his feet as Zack tried and guided him out of the room.

“Pull your shit together,” he spat at me through clenched teeth.

I didn’t say anything. It wasn’t a good idea to start a fight in front of Jack. Especially when he wasn’t safely handcuffed to the radiator in my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more explanations about alex in my next chapter ;D  
> to be continued...
> 
> \- ilovetea ^.^


	3. Some Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkwardness ensues.

_**Jack** _

Once guy number 2 had left the room (I had decided to give them numbers, seeing as there were definitely three of them, possibly more), I let out a breath but soon tensed up again when I heard soft footsteps within the room.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to beat you up,” guy number 3 said, trying to sound comforting. I laughed, the sweet mix of exhaustion and anxiety giving me another rush of confidence.

“Right, like that’s going to make me feel better,” I said while shaking my head, a sarcastic grin plastered on my face.

“It’s meant to. I’m, like, really sorry, man. You have to understand we’re doing this for a reason, not because we want to,” the guy explained, not taking offense to my sarcasm.

“Sure, whatever makes you sleep better at night,” I replied, rolling my eyes behind the blindfold.

“I’m serious,” the guy said again, sounding like he wouldn’t drop the matter until I finally acknowledged he was saying the truth. Or, at least thought he was.

“Well, maybe you are doing this for a reason. Maybe the first guy is doing this for a reason, too. But there is no way that the other dude is not getting off from the thrill of trying to scare me,” I told him while trying to move around a little, my muscles feeling weak and exhausted.

“He gets a bit too much sometimes, we know. He’ll be alright once he stops acting like a brat,” the dude said and I could hear a smile in his voice. I let out a laugh.

“You’re such weird people,” I said. I could hear loud voices coming from somewhere further away but the place fell silent soon after. My stomach chose that moment to growl and I sighed, changing my position again.

“What day is it?” I asked once the other guy hadn’t said anything in a while.

“Sunday,” the guy replied. “You were out for a whole day before you finally woke up,” he told me.

“Ehh, that would explain why I feel like all my limbs might fall off,” I sighed, licking my dry lips.

Guy number 2 chose that moment to walk back in. I could tell by the huff he let out once he had stepped in, and I tensed up. I didn’t know why he was holding such a grudge against me. After all, he had been nice enough to help me through my panic attack (even if he might’ve done it just so he could slap me).

“He needs something to eat,” guy number 3 told him.

“No, he doesn’t,” I interrupted. “Don’t need you to poison me too,” I chose that as my excuse. “But a chance to go to the bathroom would be great,” I said, feeling a little safer requesting stuff while guy number 3 was still here.

Guy number 2 mocked me and I sighed, the room falling silent for a bit, except for a huff and a sigh, followed by some movement. “So, no bathroom for me?”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake!” the guy exclaimed. “Take him to a bathroom and hold his hand while he does his business,” he said, mocking me again. I could feel the glare he sent me, a shiver running down my spine as he did.

Guy number 3 came over to where I was, uncuffing my hands and holding me tightly as he helped me stand up. I felt my cheeks heat up as I nearly fell over, my body feeling like it was crushing on itself. My head felt dizzy and my legs felt weak, and I doubted I’d be able to stand if it wasn’t for the other guy supporting me. I felt like an absolute wimp.

“My whole body feels broken,” I muttered, letting out a whine when I tried to balance myself and pain shot through my head.

“Excuse us that we can’t provide you with a high class service,” guy number 2 replied with sarcasm again. I sighed quietly while trying to move one foot in front of the other one, the simple movement proving to be extremely difficult.

The other dude spat something at guy number 2 and while it could’ve made me feel better, the discomfort was too much for me to handle and I bit down on my lip, whimpering slightly as I was guided away from the room and to the bathroom. Once we reached what I guessed was the toilet, we walked in and the guy closed the door behind us.

“Okay. This is where I would leave but seeing as you were barely able to get here, I feel like I might need to take up my friend’s advice and help you out with this,” he said, even though his tone was questioning and unsure.

My cheeks heated up again, the headache making me feel like my whole head would explode soon. If it wasn’t for the pain, I would’ve replied with something sarcastic but I had no fight left inside of me.

“I guess,” I muttered, ashamed of saying the words aloud.

“I’m sorry, dude. Stop beating yourself up, alright? I’ll just hold you up,” he told me as he pulled my hand around his shoulders and wrapped his other hand around me. I struggled to open the fly of my jeans. Once I had done that, I leaned down to feel the edges of the toilet seat. After that, all was a bit of a blur, probably because I decided to delete the memory from my head. The other guy flushed the toilet and helped me sit down.

“I’ll turn the shower on for you, okay? There’s dirt on your face,” he said and I could hear him cringe, probably wanting to say something about all the blood too but deciding against it. I could feel the blood on my face and the mix of blood and dry mud in my hair. I just nodded at him.

He moved around the bathroom, opening what sounded like a drawer before clearing his throat. “Alright. I’m going to remove the blindfold. Please, do not try to pull my scarf off, okay? As long as you don’t do it, I’ll respect you too,” he said and I felt his hands at the back of my head, untying the blindfold.

I was not ready for the brightness so when I finally opened my eyes, the light felt like a stab in my head and I moaned. “Fucking hell,” I swore, blinking a couple of times, trying to get used to the light.

Once it didn’t hurt as much to keep my eyes open, I looked up, only to be greeted by a man in a hoodie and a black scarf hiding half of his face. Deciding it was not a good idea to hold an eye contact, I quickly looked away, instead focusing on my hands that were smeared in mud, as were my jeans and my shirt. I cringed when I saw the dry blood that was decorating my shirt.

I used my hands to hold onto the toilet seat and pulled myself up slowly, nearly falling over but was caught by the guy again. Now that I could see, I felt less vulnerable but more embarrassed, so I quickly pulled myself together and regained my balance, taking slow, steady steps towards the shower.

I looked back, the other guy taking the hint and turning away from me. I got rid of my shirt, wincing as I moved my arms, every muscle in my body screaming at me to stop moving. Despite that, I managed to get rid of my pants and kicked off my boxers, stepping into the shower and pulling the curtain closed.

The first few drops of warm water felt like heaven and I sighed in content, unable to make myself move. However, I knew that this was only a luxury from my kidnapper, him showing me kindness, so I wanted no time and grabbed the soap bar and scrubbed at my skin, trying to get rid of the blood. I washed my face too, wincing when the soap touched some of the bruises on my face. By then the warm water had started dripping from my hair, so I used some of the shampoo I found and washed my hair, trying to not press my fingertips against my scalp because something told me that would be something I’d regret.

Once I was done, I turned the water off and pulled the curtain open a little, poking my head out. The other guy was stood there with a towel in his hands, handing it to me as soon as he saw me. I closed the curtain again, quickly drying myself off. When I got to drying my face, I got a couple of red spots onto the otherwise white towel. I touched my lip and then my eyebrow, looking down at my finger that was now red as well. It reminded me of the times I would get into fights outside school and come home looking like I had been dragged around the streets. Blood seemed like a symbol of strength back then.

“I got you a pair of jeans, clean underwear and a shirt. Your clothes are pretty messed up. I’ll put them on the ground and turn away, so be quick,” the dude said.

I pulled the towel through my hair once more before opening the curtain and stepping out, quickly grabbing the black shirt and pulling it over my head. Funnily enough, I was more worried about someone seeing my stomach than any other part of my body, so boxers came on second, followed by the pair of dark blue jeans. I looked at myself in the mirror, the reflection showing my multiple bruises and split lip, as well as the dark circles under my eyes. I sighed and turned to look at the other guy again.

“I’m, uhh, done,” I said, scratching the back of my neck. The guy turned around, as if a little surprised that I hadn’t tried to knock him out while his back was turned against me, and then reached for the blindfold. I visibly tensed but he just shrugged and stepped closer, “I’m sorry, but you have to understand there is no other way.”

I nodded, and the next thing I knew was I could once again see nothing but darkness. He guided me out of the bathroom and back into the room, and soon the metal cuffs were once again around my wrists. “You’ll be fine. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but there’s nothing I can do about it, Jack,” I tensed again when he said my name and he caught on because the next thing he said was “You can call me Z. I’ll see you later, Jack.” And with that he was out of the room, and I was once again left to wonder about where all of my fight had gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jack is hella miserable and in need of some cuddles.
> 
> this is a sneaky 2am chapter,  
> guilty x


	4. Not Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex, drugs and rock&roll? More like anger, pills and confrontations.

_**Alex** _

Ten. Just ten pills lying in the palm of my hand. And that is so not enough. I’ve already decreased my dose. For the past few months I’ve been taking half of what I’m supposed to take and I could feel the effects of that. And I was sure that the rest had noticed that too, they just didn’t know what was the reason for my mood swings. If you’d like to call them like that.

“Alex, get out of there!” Vic’s voice boomed from the other side of the bathroom doors, “you’re not the only one in this house!”

I bit my tongue to not say anything back to him. He didn’t need that. Not now when I had already lost it for too many times in this week. I swallowed one pill, leaving me with only nine. Nine pills, messed up sleeping pattern, twisting feeling inside and shaky hands – not what I need right now.

“God damn it, Alex!” he slammed his fist on the doors.

“Shut it, Vic!” I shouted at him, throwing the doors open and letting them slam against the wall.

Vic took two steps back as I stormed out of the bathroom and down the hall towards my room.

“No need to be so bitchy,” I heard him mutter behind me, but I just clenched my jaw tighter, for a minute there fearing I’ll break my teeth.

“Fuck!” I yelled, slamming the doors shut and throwing the first thing I got my hands on, against the wall. It turned out to be a cup, pieces of glass flying around the room as it shattered.

My breathing was heavy, hands shaking and eyes watering. I knew that if I had something else here to break, I’d feel better, but I had been working on my self-control. And everything seemed to be just fine. While we had enough money and no other causes of stress.

I slid down on the floor, pulling my knees up to my face and letting out a shaky breath. I pressed my forehead against my knees, trying to calm myself down. I needed to think straight. I need that money more than anyone else in this house, but waiting on the Barakats would take too long. I have less than nine days and there’s no way we can get their money in barely two weeks.

“You know, someone once said to me that breathing helps,” a shaky voice said from the corner of my room.

I took a sharp inhale and looked up at Jack’s slouched figure. I had completely forgotten about him being in my room.

“I’m not having a panic attack,” I muttered, studying Jack’s body and face. Or what was visible of his face, the rest of it being hidden behind the blindfold. The guy was skinny and that made me think about Zack’s suggestion to give him some food. After all, he’s been here for three full days.

I had a slight idea to work on a plan’s second part – getting the money. Vic and Jaime were home so they would be able to help me with that too. If Vic still wanted to talk to me. I mean, it was for all of us, so he had to participate in this and the faster we figure out how to word what we want from Jack’s parents, the better for us.

Slowly I got up from the floor, quietly moving around the room and looking for my laptop, yet still keeping an eye on Jack. He seemed to have tensed up once he noticed me moving around. I spotted my laptop hidden in my sheets as well as pieces of glass too close to Jack.

I moved around my bed to pick them up, Jack immediately moving to pull his knees up to his chest.

“I’m not going to hit you,” I calmly said, picking up the glass, “there’s glass and if you move around too much, you’ll cut yourself.”

“Oh, so now you care?” Jack asked, venom in his voice.

I sighed and watched at the glass in my hand. Maybe I should just leave it were it was for the guy to cut himself. Maybe then he’ll learn to shut up and not talk back to me. I shook my head at the thought. As amazing as it was for him to flinch away from me, that wasn’t what I needed him for.

“Don’t need you to bleed to death in my room,” I stated, “just as you don’t want us to poison you,” I said with a smile.

He actually had a good way of thinking and even I hadn’t thought of poisoning him. Even if that wasn’t our intentions, the thought still hadn’t crossed the depths of my mind.

“Whatever,” Jack grumbled, hanging his head low.

I couldn’t understand what his problem with me was. I mean, I can sort of see what, but still. He seemed to be okay with Zack and Vic. I threw a last glance his way before grabbing my laptop and leaving the room.

Vic and Jaime were both sat on the couch, watching something stupid on the television. I just knew because of the fake laughter put in the background of the broadcast.

“Hey,” I started to get their attention, “we need to figure something out about that guy in my room,” I showed them my laptop, “I think it’s best if we print out the letter, or whatever we call it, and…I don’t know…send it to his parents?” I furrowed my eyebrows.

“You already want to ask them for the money? He isn’t even legally missing yet,” Jaime seemed surprised, “I mean, doesn’t it take like…seventy-two hours for a person to count as missing?”

“He definitely has those seventy-two hours…he’s been here for three days, I think,” Vic said, not looking my way.

“Has there been something on the news about him?” I asked, going over to them and sitting down next to Jaime on the couch.

“Haven’t seen anything,” Vic said thoughtfully, “check the internet.”

\---  
“No, you moron! Nothing is written with a pen! Want to go to jail because they identifies your handwriting?” I rolled my eyes at Vic’s dumbness.

We’ve spent around an hour figuring out the best way to present what we want from the Barakats and so far I like the layouts of our _letter_. And it seems that Jaime and Vic are pretty interested in writing it too. Probably only to get Jack out of the house, but that works for me. As long as they’re cooperating.

“I’ll go make something to eat,” I said after a while of me typing out the letter, “someone’s gonna have to bring some to Jack too.”

“Why don’t you just do it? He’s in your room,” Jaime laughed, but got a glare in return.

“He thinks that all I want is to have him dead. He’s not going to take anything from me and since his new BFF Zack is not here, one you will have to do that,” I waved my hand at them.

In the kitchen I put on the water to boil and found some pasta in one of the cupboards. Seeing as Jaime had been out just yesterday to buy some food, we really didn’t have much. Or it was just some food he bought.

“Alex, your phone,” Vic called from the living room as I was looking for some clean plates.

“Who is it?” I asked, taking out two plates and putting somehow equal amount of pasta on both of them.

“Your mom,” he answered after a moment it probably took him to reach for my phone.

I rolled my eyes and huffed at that, “I’ll call her back.” _Maybe_ , I added in my mind.

I had two plates of food ready in the next two minutes. That Barakat kid better appreciate this or he’ll have to hear some words from me. It’s not like it’s my duty to feed him or something.

“Okay, who’s going to take this to our prisoner?” I called from the kitchen.

No one answered me, making me grow annoyed, but before I could say something else, Vic emerged in the kitchen, “I guess, I could,” he said in a weak voice, “not like you could do it. You’d probably stab him with a fork if he refuses to eat,” he offered me a smile that was hard to return.

Once Vic left me alone I quickly ate all my food, put the plate in to the sink and walked to the living room to get my phone. I had one missed call from my mother, but I ignored it. Instead going to my messages and typing out – _can I come over tonight?_

It took less than five minutes for him to answer with a short – _yes_. As I was about to write him the time I planned to come around, I received another message saying – _will be home in fifteen minutes. Feel free to come around whenever._

I smiled at the text and quickly made my way to my room to get changed. As I entered the room Vic was sitting on the floor before Jack, fork in his hand and trying to feed him. From what I saw on the plate – it wasn’t working pretty well. There were almost as much as I had put there.

Vic looked at me questioningly, while Jack tried to move away from him, turning his head away from where Vic was holding the fork.

“I’m going out. Someone’s gotta stay in my room if don’t return for the night,” I quickly said, changing in a clean shirt and jeans that would have to do the magic tonight.

“If?” Vic’s eyebrows shot up.

“Mhm,” I hummed, throwing on black jacket, “if everything goes as I want it to go, then I should be home tonight.”

I looked at Jack to see how interested he was in what I was saying. Didn’t look too interested, but that’s just what I was able to see. There’s no way he didn’t hear what I just said. It’s not like he’s deaf or something. It has been proven that he’s not.

“Tell them what I said, will you?” I asked Vic.

“Yeah, sure,” he simply said, returning his attention to Jack.

I left the house without another word, spending fifteen minutes to get to my destination. I parked my car behind one that was already in the driveway. The house wasn’t the biggest on the block, but it definitely showed that, whoever lived there, had money.

I stepped out of the car, walking up to the front door and hesitantly knocking. I didn’t have to wait long before the doors were opened by a guy with a brown, messy hair and bright blue eyes.

“Hey, you’re fast,” he said, letting me in.

“Yeah, sorry. Had to get away from everything,” I replied quietly, looking down at my feet and stuffing my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

“Hey,” he reached for one of my hands to pull it out of the pocket, “don’t be like that,” he put his other hand on my chin, forcing my head up to look in his eyes, “what’s wrong?”

I shook my head, pulling my hand out of his hold, and leaning down to untie my shoes, being perfectly aware of the sight it gave to the other man standing in the hallway.

“You want something?” he asked, after clearing his throat.

“Wine? You have a good one?” I asked hopefully, letting him guide me in his living room, his hand on my lower back.

“Of course,” he smiled, before leaning in to peck me on the lips, “wait here, I’ll be right back.”

I smiled back and watched him leaving the room. As he left I quickly scanned the room, but there were nothing I was looking for. No jacket, phone, or wallet thrown somewhere carelessly. I sat down on the couch with a huff. Apparently will have to work with plan number two.

“Here you go,” he returned to the room, two wine glasses in his hands.

“Thanks,” I smiled shyly at him, taking one of the glasses from him.

I took a few sips from the glass, before dropping my gaze down at the glass, my finger running circles around the edge of the glass.

“Alex,” he sighed after a moment, “what’s wrong, babe?”

I inwardly cringed at the stupid pet name, but said nothing about that.

“Nothing…I just…I don’t want to talk about that,” I said quietly.

“Alex…” he started.

“Josh, please. Don’t,” I looked up at him with sad eyes.

After a while of just looking at each other I put my glass down on the table, taking his glass out of his hand and putting on the table as well.

“I wanted to get wasted at some shitty bar, but thought that you might be a better distraction,” I mumbled, moving myself closer to Josh and putting my hands around his neck to pull him closer until our lips touched.

I kept it slow, almost sad, but that’s what I was going for. I didn’t need to rush it to get what I wanted. I let him push me down on my back, with one of his hands on my back while other was gently holding onto my hair.

“Stop thinking,” he whispered, moving down to my neck.

I nodded my head and let out a quiet whimper as he licked around my earlobe. I wanted this so bad. Wanted to tear all of our clothes off, wanted to roll us over and ride him. I wanted this to be hot and messy, but that is not what I came here for.

As I felt his hands starting to push my shirt up, I kicked my plan in to an action.

“No,” it was weak, “no, I can’t,” I put my hands on his chest and lightly pushed him, “Josh, I’m…I really am sorry, but…I can’t,” I sat up, pushing my fingers in my hair and tugging lightly.

“What’s wrong?” he sat up on his knees.

“My mom…she’s…she’s getting worse and today I got a call from hospital,” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to make them tear up a bit, “there’s some treatment they want to try out, said that it could help, but…” I shook my head, hiding my face behind my hands.

“Alex, what is it?” he put his hand on my back, running it up and down.

“I don’t have money for that,” I whispered, “I want to, but…she said it’s okay, but it’s not!”

“Why didn’t you say anything to me? I can give you…no! I will give you money,” he got up from the couch and was about to leave the room.

“No, Josh. She is not your mother, you don’t have to do that. I can figure something out…I will,” I looked up at him with watery eyes.

“Alex,” he placed both of his hands on my cheeks, “you know you can ask me for help, sweetie. It’s not a big deal,” he pressed a kiss to my forehead, “how much do they ask?”

“Five hundred,” I mumbled, looking down.

“Really? Only?” he didn’t believe me.

“A thousand,” I whispered, closing my eyes and waiting.

I felt his arms wrap around my body, “Don’t worry,” he whispered in my ear.

Josh moved away, giving me reassuring smile before leaving the room. I smiled to myself, wiping the few tears I had managed to force out. It always works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo.....what the hell is wrong with alex? didn't he say that he doesn't have a mother?  
> and now she's suddenly calling him?  
> and why didn't he answer the call?  
> and then he's saying that she's getting worse?
> 
> what the hell, alex!!!
> 
> ;D  
> -ilovetea


	5. Little Bit Of Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex Gaskarth is an angry bun.

_**Jack** _

I had seen a fair amount of problematic people in my life, including people with minor anger issues, drinking addictions, social anxiety and even schizophrenia. So, from the second I heard guy nr 2 slam the door and lose control over himself, I knew there was more to him than just being an asshole. I wasn’t sure if that made the situation more terrifying or not – on one hand, it meant he was more spontaneous and therefore more dangerous, but on the other hand it proved he was just a human being. Which was ridiculous. I didn’t want to think of him as a human being. Guy nr 1 – maybe, Z – fine. But this dude?

It was risky to start thinking about him as a human with feelings because that would make me sympathize. And everyone knew what would happen then. I had no intentions of experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. So, when he told me he wouldn’t hit me again as he was picking up pieces of the glass he had shattered, I couldn’t help but snarl at him, hoping that would bring back his rude attitude.

It worked and soon he was out of the room, leaving me alone again. I seemed to be that a lot – alone. I guessed it wasn’t all that bad because I didn’t really want to interact with the people who had thought it was a good idea to kidnap me. Or still thought it would be easy to get money off my parents. But I was getting a bit lonely, and when I was lonely, everything seemed to hurt more.

I wondered what Rian was doing. Was he trying to find me? I hoped so. No one else would really notice I was gone. In fact, if my parents were even aware of me being gone, it would all be thanks to Rian looking for me. I could imagine my parents arguing about this. Mum was probably crying - the thought of that actually made my heart drop. My dad was probably telling her I was alright and she had nothing to worry about. _Liar_. I knew my mum would want to bring this to the media as soon as she could, what with being quite influential and well-known, but my dad probably thought this was all my idea – my attempt at ruining his work schedule, just me trying to get his attention.

Most of all, though, I was gutted about not being able to attend the live music night at the bar. It was the one place and the only time when I could bring my guitar to play what was on my mind and have people listen to me. Not just look at me – no, they all listened. Nothing else really mattered as much as that.

I had just finished a song before all of this went down. It wasn’t much but I still wanted to know what others would think. As soon as I had finished the music, I set out to write lyrics. I walked around the city, popping into a coffee shop on my way – nearly bumping into someone because of how deep in my thoughts I was. Rian called me and begged me to meet him at a bar later and while I didn’t actually want to join him, I guessed I had to do something with my Friday night. After that, I spent a couple of hours just hanging at places, writing words and ideas down in my sketchbook. I never got to finish the lyrics.

I sighed. My wrists had started aching a lot and I couldn’t keep my mind off the pain. As if on cue the door suddenly opened and someone walked in. I wasn’t sure of who it was, but I knew for sure it wasn’t Z – he would’ve greeted me immediately. As for guy nr 2 – he would’ve walked in with a huff, or just negative aura around him. So I waited.

‘Hey-a,’ the voice said, walking closer to me. I recognized it as the one I had heard when I woke up for the first time.

Unsure of how to reply to that, I just sat up straighter – a movement symbolising I was listening to him.

‘I brought you some water, and we fixed you some food. Thirsty?’ he asked and I nodded because, hey, I had barely had a sip of anything these past few days. My throat felt like it was filled with ashes and cinnamon. The guy kneeled next to me – or I guessed so because I could hear his knees hit the floor – and soon something was pressed up against my mouth. I tilted my head back a little, opening my mouth just a bit and soon the water was running down my throat. It felt like paradise. He was waiting for me to close my mouth but I was so thirsty I didn’t stop until the glass was empty. ‘I’ll just have to bring you more water, won’t I?’ he said softly, putting the glass away and I heard it touch the floor.

‘How about some food?’ he enquired.

‘Not really all that hungry,’ I muttered.

‘Oh, come on. It’s just a bit of salad and pasta. Just this one fork, alright? Can’t have you dying from starvation,’ he told me and I could smell the food being held in front of my face before he told me to open up. So I did, because I knew I had to have something so that I wouldn’t pass out. I chewed on it and swallowed it, even though it didn’t really want to go down. He offered me another fork – this time I refused.

‘I’m really not that hungry,’ I told him, hoping that would be good enough for him. It’s not like any of them actually cared about me, so it shouldn’t have mattered to them whether I was eating or not.

‘Have this one and I’ll leave you alone,’ he tried to compromise but I turned my head away anyway. Guy number two chose that moment to walk in and exchange a couple of words with guy number one. For once, I honestly couldn’t pay any attention to what they were saying, my mind wandering far away from where I was. It might have had something to do with the lack of food in my stomach - I was really unable to focus on anything for longer than a couple of minutes. I didn’t mind because it meant I could forget about the pain every now and then. It felt better to keep zoning out than to have food forced down my throat.

Guy number one cleared his throat, trying to get my attention. ‘Is there anything you need?’  
I thought about it. ‘Painkillers,’ I finally told him after a while. ‘And some music. Can I get my earbuds and my iPod?’

I could feel the guy nod before he realized that I couldn’t actually see him. ‘Yeah. I’ll be back in a bit,’ he told me and left the room. When he came back, he kneeled next to me again, telling me to open my mouth again. I let him put two pills in my mouth before he lifted a new glass of water to my lips and I sipped from it, swallowing the pills. ‘What’s your passcode?’ he asked me and I mentally kicked myself because obviously both my phone and my iPod had the same passcode. But then again, they probably got rid of the phone so no one could trace me to where I was being kept. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was guy nr 2 who had done it.

‘7856,’ I told him and I heard my iPod unlocked.

‘So, what do you want exactly?’ he asked, sounding a little distracted, probably scrolling down the list of music I had.

‘Anti-Flag,’ I replied almost immediately. He hummed and soon I heard the music blasting from my iPod. He plugged the earbuds in before fixing the volume, then reaching over and putting them in. I was sure he left the room soon after but I didn’t bother trying to focus on anything except the music because finally something was washing over my mind and I didn’t feel all that alone anymore.

-

At some point I must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was being shaken awake. I nearly jumped, terrified for life.

‘Relax, Jack. Just me,’ I heard Z said. He pulled my earphones out and I heard them hit the floor.

‘What’s going on?’ I asked in confusion, my heart still beating faster than it should have.

‘Ah, my douche bag of a friend is out tonight, not that I’m surprised, so I’m meant to keep an eye on you for a while,’ Zack explained, sitting down in front of me.

‘Have fun with that, I’m not exactly the most interesting person to watch while I’m sitting here, half passed out,’ I mumbled grumpily.

‘True, but I was told that you’ve pretty much refused all food, so I’m here to give you an offer. We play Never Have I Ever and every time you have done the said thing, I will give you a spoon of soup. Deal?’ Zack asked.

‘What’s in it for me? I’m not hungry, so why should I agree?’ I asked, sulking.

‘I’ll take the blindfold off and uncuff you,’ he told me and I could feel him smirking. I sighed, being reminded of the pain in my wrists, and he knew he had won.

-

Hours later, once Zack had fed me nearly all of the soup _(‘Never have I ever been to an Anti-Flag gig,’ he said. ‘That’s cheating!’ I exclaimed but I saw him laugh at me and the spoon was soon in front of my face. ‘Eat up,’ he told me and I complied. As I was swallowing the food, I scanned over the room. It was mostly white with a couple of posters on the walls, a black bed on the other side in front of me and shelves filled with CDs, books and DVDs. Z was blocking the rest of my view. It looked too normal for my liking, a reminder that my abuser was a completely normal human being)_ , he put the blindfold back in its place over my eyes and reached for the handcuffs but then seemed to hesitate.

‘How do your wrists feel?’ he asked me instead of just handcuffing me and leaving. I shrugged, touching my left wrist, and as soon as my fingertips brushed over it, I winced and knew Z had noticed. ‘That doesn’t look so good. I’ll just pick up a scarf and use that instead, alright?’

I was internally grateful for him taking pity on me. I knew neither of the other two ever would, so I allowed Z to tie my hands up without even flinching back this time. I heard him pick up the soup bowl and then his footsteps as he softly walked out of the room, returning soon after.  
‘Good night,’ he told me before I felt the bed creak and found myself whispering _Good night_ back at him.

-

At what must have been the middle of the night, I heard the doors to the room creaking and while they were not slammed shut, they were closed quite enthusiastically, waking me up immediately. I couldn’t help tensing up, not liking loud noises when I couldn’t see my surroundings.

‘Stop looking like I’m about to kill you every time I walk in. It’s pissing me off,’ the second guy’s voice rang through the room. I pulled myself up, crossing my legs in front of me.

‘For all I know, you might, so you have no rights to tell me what to do,’ I said unamused.

‘And what the fuck are you doing in my bed? I told you all there was only a small chance I wouldn’t come back tonight. Get out,’ he snarled and I trembled, not liking the sound of his voice, it was too raw and angry.

‘Jesus, calm the fuck down. You’ve got a fucking problem, man,’ Z replied. He didn’t sound scared. In fact, he sounded really done with the guy’s attitude. To my shock, however, I heard a slap echo through the room and froze. So did they because the room fell completely silent. ‘You’ve crossed the line,’ I heard Z say before the door of the room slammed shut and I tried not to jump again at the noise.

I decided then that it would be better if I just tried to go back to sleep, pretending I wasn’t even there, because I wasn’t ready to deal with another beating. However, instead of footsteps, I heard the bed creak and the guy let out a sigh.

I don’t know if I was in my right mind or not when I did it but I took a deep breath and just got it over and done with. ‘Are you alright?’ I asked the guy, feeling ridiculous as soon as the words had left my mouth.

To my surprise, he didn’t snarl at me. He let out a slightly shaky breath instead. ‘Not yet,’ he said and the room fell silent again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who just spent most of her money buying an all time low ticket for the london gig?  
> yup. i'm poor again.  
> also, what the fluff is alex's problem?  
> i challenge you, ilovetea. explain. -slurp-
> 
> guilty x


	6. All These Things That I've Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's got a soul, but he's not a soldier. Meds deficiency occurs.

_**Alex** _

I woke up what I assumed to be quite early, but once I reached for my phone I saw that it’s almost ten. And that was quite late for me, I rarely got to sleep past nine as it was.

I slowly crawled out of the bed, throwing a quick glance at Jack’s sleeping figure. He hadn’t moved, so I could only assume that he was sleeping. I walked closer to Jack, looking for any sign of him being awake, but there were none. He would’ve definitely made some sort of movement, if he was awake.

My eyes darted to his wrist, noticing some kind of scarf wrapped around them.

“What the hell is that?” I questioned to no one in particular.

I crouched down to pull the scarf slightly away, hoping to see that handcuffs were still there, but I was met with nothing more than a slightly raw skin underneath. Jack jumped awake at my touch, trying to pull himself away from the touch, but failing.

“Stop with that,” I scoffed, “who did this?” I asked him, tugging on the scarf.

“How can I know that? It’s not like I know how any of you look,” I could hear a sarcasm in his voice, my fingers slipping away from the scarf and wrapping around his raw wrists.

“Who did this?” I repeated myself, smirking as he hissed when I tightened my hold on his wrist.

“The one who was here last night,” he said, “when you came back.”

Zack. He was really starting to get on my nerves and to say what he said to me last night. About my _problem_. He knew better than to throw it right in my face.

I stood up about to leave my room and find Zack. I needed to talk to him, both – about the scarf and _the problem,_. I grabbed one of my hoodies out of the closet, pulling it over my head and left the room, locking it behind me since I didn’t trust Jack with just the scarf holding him down.

“Alex, we need to talk,” was the first words I was met with once I stepped my foot in the living room, where all three of my room mates were sitting.

I furrowed my eyebrows, but shortly nodded and walked further into the room, “okay. What about?” I casually asked, sitting down on the furthest part of the couch.

“Have you been taking your pills?” Jaime asked me, sounding seriously concerned and, since he was the only one I haven’t yelled at in the past days, I guess he was the only one who was seriously worried about me.

“Yes,” I said shortly and it wasn’t like I was lying.

“Alex, there’s only eight left,” Zack spoke up, pulling my own bottle out of his pocket.

“Why the hell do you have it!” I glared at him, wanting nothing more than to punch him and take my pills.

“Alex, seriously, calm down. You haven’t been yourself for quite some time,” Jaime said, carefully choosing his words, “at first we just thought it’s because of Jack and…this whole thing that’s going on, but…” he looked at the rest of the guys, avoiding looking at me, “how you beat up Jack that night…that didn’t look like you just being stressed or something, you know?”

For once I didn’t know what to say. I could just tell them the truth and they would hopefully leave me alone after that. But Jaime was right, saying that me beating up Jack wasn’t just me feeling stressed.

We’ve been short of money for the last few months for sure. I didn’t have enough money to buy the pills, resulting in me starting to take less than I should; less than doctor had prescribed. At first I didn’t notice any changes and thought that it’s fine, if I don’t take the dose the doctor said. But after a month or so, I felt the change. I was easily irritated, annoyed, my sleeping got worse and I kind of took everything anyone said personally. So when it came to kidnapping Jack, I just kind of lost it. Obviously our plan wasn’t to beat him up so badly, but it just felt so good. It felt good to let go of all that pent up energy.

“I may or may not have been taking less than doctor had said,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands and feeling them all stare at me.

“What?” Vic and Zack exclaimed at the same time.

“What do you mean – less than you should?” Zack came closer to me.

“We don’t have money for this shit, okay! We need to eat and pay the bills! I can live a few months without those stupid pills!” I shouted, sending a glare to Zack who still were holding the bottle in his hand.

“Alex, you are not okay, dude,” Vic said quietly, “this is not something you can stop buying just because you don’t have enough money.”

“That’s what my parents did and I was just fine,” I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning against the back of the couch, sending glares to all three of them.

“So your parents, teachers and everyone else in the school being afraid of you is called – just fine?” Zack inquired.

“Don’t you talk about my parents,” I gritted at him, standing up and pointing my finger at him.

“Alex,” Vic started weakly, but was cut short.

“Give me those damned pills!” I yelled at Zack.

“It’s not like I need them,” Zack sneered at me, giving me the bottle.

I grabbed them from his hand and was about to storm out of the room, when something popped into my mind, “what’s with the scarf?”

“What?” Zack turned his head to the side.

“The scarf! Around Jack’s wrists. What’s that about?” I asked, feeling annoyed by Zack.

“Have you seen the state of his wrists? Let him sit like this for a few days and he’ll be fine.”

“Leave him with that scarf around his hands and we’ll have police knocking on our door in few days!” I exclaimed, turning around and leaving them.

I walked back into my room, slamming the door behind me and catching a sight of Jack jumping at the sound, “seriously, stop that. It’s annoying as hell, just so you know,” I said to him. He didn’t replay and, even though I expected some sort of an answer, maybe it’s good he kept his mouth shut. Good for his own health.

I quickly changed into some greyish looking jeans, leaving the same hoodie on and took the money Josh gave me from the jeans I wore yesterday. Even if I hated the three of them telling me that I had to take the pills, I understood it myself. And that’s what I hated most. I know what I need to do and them reminding me, didn’t help the case.

“Have a nice day,” I said to Jack, “and hope that someone remembers to feed you cause I’m not doing that.”

I closed the doors behind me, locking them once again and walking to the living room. There were only Jaime left now. I was thankful for that, because Zack for sure was the last person I wanted to see right now.

“Hey, here’s the key. Deal with Jack or something. I don’t care,” I dropped the key on the coffee table, Jaime’s eyes following it.

“You’re going out?”

“Yeah. Have to deal with that problem of mine,” I said to him.

I left the apartment, walking down the stairs and past the coffee shop, my eyes meeting Zack’s. He was serving a customer, Vic behind him, making a coffee. I could still see anger in Zack’s eyes, but I didn’t blame him. I’m sure he could see the same in my eyes, but at least I had a reason.

Thirty minutes later I was standing in a drug store, my fingers gripping the sides of the counter and listening as the pharmacist was telling me they didn’t have the pills I needed.

“I do apologize, but those pills are very rarely needed so we don’t order many of those,” she said, her voice sweet but on a verge of being annoying, “we did place an order last week so if you come back next week, we’ll have those pills.”

I just gave her a short nod, not trusting my voice as I left the store. My hands were shaking and I could feel panic settling in my bones. I did have eight more pills so I could still take them every day and hope that she wasn’t lying, saying that they’ll have the pills next week. But what if they don’t? Then I’ll have nothing.

Once inside my car, I let my fingers grip onto the steering wheel, resting my forehead against my hands. Deep breaths, I reminded myself. I’ve been through worse.

After few minutes of breathing, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through my contacts. I found the name I was looking for and pressed the ‘call’ button.

I didn’t have to wait long as a piercing voice reached my ears, “Alex! I called you few days ago, but got no answer from you!”

“Hi, mom,” I said, my voice weak.

“Alex? What’s wrong?” she sounded concerned.

“Can I come over?” I asked, not wanting to hear her next question. The one she always asked, when I asked her about coming over.

“Are you alright?” it didn’t sound harmless, but I knew the meaning behind the question. _Have you been taking pills? Have you had any outburst lately? Have you harmed someone or yourself?_

“Kind of,” I lied.

She was quiet after that, breathing on the other side of the line.

“Okay. Fine,” she finally said, letting out a sigh, a breath she must’ve been holding.

\---  
“So how have you been?” she asked me, setting down the cup of steaming hot chocolate on the table, “Why didn’t you call me back?”

“Please don’t start with that,” I sighed, wrapping my fingers around the cup.

“What else am I supposed to ask you, if I haven’t seen you for the last two months and you’re not calling me?” she pulled her own cup closer to herself.

“I was busy. Lots of work at the coffee place,” I mumbled, taking a sip from the cup.

I could feel her piercing stare even when I wasn’t looking at her. I knew she could read me pretty well. Living in the same house for eighteen years and being my mother gave her some advantage.

“Are you really okay?” she asked quietly, “Don’t lie to me, Alex.”

I looked up to see her eyes fixated on my still slightly shaky fingers.

“Stop asking that,” I whispered.

“Then stop lying,” she replied just as quietly.

“I’m not lying.”

“You might not notice that, but I’m your mother and I do notice things like that,” she stated.

I gave her a sharp look, taking another sip of my hot chocolate, before giving in. Nothing bad can happen if I tell her. A few details, explaining what is wrong.

“We’ve been short of money and you know how expensive those pills are,” I sighed, not looking my mom in the eyes, “can we please not talk about that?”

She looked at me suspiciously, but didn’t say anything.

“I have pills so you don’t have to worry about that. And we are working on a plan to get more money,” I was about to slap myself as the words left my mouth, “we work more. Longer hours at the coffee shop.”

She nodded, small smile appearing on her lips.

“Can I stay here tonight?” I asked shyly, looking up at her through my hair and giving her a look I knew she couldn’t say ‘no’ to.

“Of course you can,” she smiled at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor jack, left alone in the room with no one to keep him company... lets hope that guilty will change something about that ;D  
> but maybe something gets clearer about alex...maybe...
> 
> -ilovetea


	7. Old Scars/Future Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't judge a book by its cover.

_**Jack** _

I hated shouting. There was nothing else in the world I hated more than raised voices and loud bangs. That’s why when guy number two returned and slammed the door yet again, I couldn’t help jumping the same way I had every single time before that.

‘Seriously, stop that. It’s annoying as hell, just so you know,’ he told me and I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t say something stupid. I knew it was in my best interest to keep quiet because I didn’t want to deal with him shouting at me as well. So instead I sat still, listening to him move around. He mentioned food once again and I rolled my eyes behind the blindfold. As if food even mattered. As soon as he left, I slumped back against the wall and let out a shaky breath.

I had already figured there was something strange about the guy’s reactions to most things but after hearing him shout from somewhere outside the door, I was proved right – he had some sort of a condition. I heard him yelling at someone to give him his pills and I wished I could’ve covered my ears right then and ignored them. Sadly, I didn’t have the luxury to do that. I regretted knowing half of the stuff I had heard because by knowing this much I was already painting him as a human being in my head. A troubled, vulnerable, messed up human being. I didn’t want that. Fucking sympathy. I had to avoid empathy at all costs because that would be my downward spiral.

I heard the key turn and the door squeaked. I sat still, waiting for the person to speak up. It was ridiculous how useless I felt – I was unable to see and based everything on what I could hear.

‘So, I made you porridge. I heard you’re a picky eater so I went for something simple,’ a new voice said and I heard the person set a bowl down on the table near the bed. ‘I’m James. I’m gonna untie you now so you can eat this, okay? _Please,_ ’ the guy told me – well, no, it seemed like he was asking me to. I was too surprised to think of anything witty to reply with.

‘Uh, okay. Thanks. I guess. Can I use the bathroom before that though?’ I asked, tilting my head a little to look at where I guessed this _James_ was standing.

‘Sure. Just let me get the scarf,’ he said without hesitation and soon cold fingers were carefully untying the bounds. However, that wasn’t all, and when James reached to quickly remove my blindfold, my breath hitched and I wanted to panic. Why was he letting me see him? When the blindfold finally came off, I carried on staring at my lap, terrified and confused, and wanting to disappear from the room.

‘Calm down. You can’t see my face. You’re fine. There’s really no point in keeping the blindfold on for this long. I know you’ve seen the room and the bathroom already. So, if ever asked, you’d recognize the place anyway. Right?’ James said and I hesitantly nodded, still feeling a little on the edge. How pathetic was I?

_Very._

With a shaky breath, I looked up. James had dark brown eyes and he was wearing a hoodie and a scarf just like Z had. The one difference that really struck me though was that there wasn’t any pity in his eyes and I thanked God for that. He wasn’t looking down on me – he was looking at me like an actual person. There was something serious yet relaxing in the aura around him and I found myself sighing in relief.

‘Right,’ I finally replied. The guy stood up from where he was kneeling and held his hand out for me. I grabbed it after hesitating for a bit and he pulled me up. As soon as I was stood on my own feet, I nearly swayed but this time I could at least see where I was standing so I leaned against the wall, balancing myself.

James waited for me and when I took a step away from the corner, he started walking towards the bathroom with me trailing right behind him. The hallway wasn’t really as large as it had seemed the last time, probably because I had felt way weaker then. I saw the bathroom at the end of the hall, so I threw a glance over my shoulder in the opposite direction. It seemed like there was a living room down there. I quickly looked away though, for some reason feeling like I was intruding.

_Ridiculous. What the hell was happening to me? Since when was I playing by the rules?_

As if on cue, I stumbled over my own feet, nearly falling onto James. I blushed and leaned against the wall again, closing my eyes to get rid of the spinning feeling.

James opened the bathroom door and I walked in while he stayed outside. I was glad he did because even though Z had been nice to me, it had been extremely awkward. I still felt weak and everything ached but at least I had some privacy. It felt strange to be trusted, even though that was exactly what I wanted. I had made it my goal to get the guys to trust me and surprise them when they least expected it. That was the only escape plan that seemed plausible.

As I was washing my hands, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My hair stood in all directions, reminding me of bed hair. There were dark bags under my eyes. Even though I had gotten a fair amount of sleep in the past few days, I still felt exhausted. The bruises on my face had started to fade a little and my split lip was healing as well. Except for looking, well, _miserable_ , I looked like I had back in the last month of high-school. Beaten up, tired of everything and barely holding up. At least this time no one was attacking me verbally and emotionally.

When I left the bathroom, James was waiting for me outside, leaning against the hallway wall. Just like before, I trailed behind him into the room and slowly made my way to the corner but then James’ voice cut the silence. ‘Come on, the bed’s free. You don’t have to sit on the floor,’ he said like it was obvious. I stared at him before nodding and making my way to the bed, sitting down next to him, even though I did my best to leave a large gap between us.

It felt heavenly when I sat down, the mattress giving in underneath me. I sighed in content, wanting nothing more than to drop down, curl up and have proper sleep. However, James had other plans as he handed me my bowl of porridge and a glass of what looked like orange juice.

I raised my eyebrows but he shrugged and took a gray remote from the table, pressing a button. The room’s stereo system came to life and music filled the room. ‘Eat up, please. Stop spiting us,’ James told me and I looked down at the porridge.

‘I’m not spiting you. I’m just honestly not that hungry,’ I said, the texture of the porridge making me pull a face.

‘I’m sorry but you have to eat this. Whether you’re doing this in spite of us or not, you haven’t had proper food in days and it’s only going to make you weaker,’ James said and I sighed, knowing he was right. I hated that. I took a spoonful of the porridge and swallowed it. For some reason, it really did go down easier than the pasta had. I had another spoon and sipped the juice. James seemed content enough because he turned away and pressed his back against the wall behind us.

‘What’s that song?’ I asked instead, unhappy with the silence even though it was comfortable.

‘Hey You,’ James replied, looking at me like he didn’t believe I was being serious. ‘Pink Floyd? Seriously? How do you not know this?’

I rolled my eyes. ‘I recognize the song. I just didn’t know the title. I’m more into the punk rock scene,’ I explained. How ridiculous was it that I was having this sort of a conversation with one of my captors? I had to keep reminding myself that the person next to me was also responsible for my kidnapping.

During the next hour, James managed to persuade me to eat more of the porridge and by the time I was done with it, there was barely any left. I didn’t feel as ill as I thought I would and James seemed awfully pleased. After that, it was just us sitting on the bed and listening to some music. No words were exchanged but it seemed like we were both surprisingly content with it. And that was the reason why I found my eyes closing on their own accord. I kept snapping awake but at some point I drifted so deep into the sleep I actually curled up against the pillow.

My dreams were filled with strange memories. I saw my best friends, their grins disgustingly pleased as we stared down at a bunch of girls. Ryan and Ron laughed while Andy and I shared a smirk. Ron bumped shoulders with another kid as we walked away from our lockers. ‘Watch where you’re going, loser,’ he hissed at the kid and shoved him against the wall of the hallway before turning away and faking a desperate sigh, ‘too many fucking losers in this school.’

The memory slowly faded away and I was met by Tyler’s worried eyes as he ordered Josh to get us the first aid kit from his car. ‘What the hell happened?’ Rian asked, taking in my state. I shrugged and winced at the same time. Rian sighed, ‘which one did it this time?’ I looked at him, pity in his eyes. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ I told him and looked away. He kneeled next to me and to my surprise pulled me into a hug. I reluctantly wrapped a hand around him as well before Josh returned and Tyler started stitching me up.

The next thing I knew I was being shook awake. I blinked, expecting to see Rian, and only after I met James’ gaze did I remember where I was. Surprisingly, I didn’t panic. Instead I sat up and rubbed my eyes. ‘You were out for a couple of hours. I have to tie your hands back up,’ James explained and I just nodded, walking to the corner submissively.

‘Why do you guys let him treat you the way he does?’ I asked while he was carefully tying the scarf around my wrists. James raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. ‘He threatened Z,’ I told him once I realized he wouldn’t reply, ‘The rest of you are nothing like him.’

‘He’s a friend,’ James stated as the dark blindfold was once again wrapped around my head.

‘He seems dangerous,’ I tried to press further.

‘So should we. You’re in no position to judge,’ the guy told me, a sharp edge to his voice.

‘Why? What are you going to do? Beat me up? He might do it even if I sit still! Kill me? Won’t happen since you care about that God damn money so much,’ I snarled at him, wishing I had done this before he tied me up – I could’ve looked a lot more threatening that way.

‘Stop that, kid. We’re not even treating you badly. As soon as your parents send us the money, you’re free to go,’ he explained and I wished I could throw a punch at his face.

‘Oh, please. You really think it’s going to be that easy?’ I laughed, impressed by his obliviousness.

‘We’ve got their son, there’s really no other way,’ James said and I laughed again, hiding my face behind my knees.

‘Have you ever even seen me on TV with my parents? The last time anyone actually cared was when I was publicly crowned _the teenage millionaire heartthrob_ and crashed my father’s car, and if you honestly believe my father will give a crap about me being kidnapped, you’re seriously mistaken. I’ll be stuck here for a month, minimum. He’s probably sat at his office desk, thinking about how much of a piece of trash and attention seeker his son is,’ I said, breaking into a sarcastic smile. ‘So good luck with that. Why do you think I haven’t been associated with them in ages?’

Silence surrounded us and I could only guess James was staring at me, possibly trying to figure out whether I was actually being honest. So I sighed and carried on, ‘at least tell Rian I’m alright, otherwise he’ll go insane. He’s probably attempted to punch my father at least once by now.’

I heard movement but to my surprise it sounded like James was walking away. That was not what I had expected. ‘I’ll give your friend a hint. However, you’re wrong about everything else, no matter what you think about your family. You’re already on TV, kudos to your friend. And none of us will hurt you. We’re not psychopaths,’ James stated. The door closed and I heard the key being turned. A strange feeling settled in my stomach. Had my father actually listened to Rian? There was no way. Maybe Rian had persuaded my mum to go public with the news in spite of what my father said. Bless Rian. I’d have to buy him those drum sticks he’d been talking about for ages for his birthday. And maybe actually attempt to bake a cake. That is, if I was still alive by then.

I wondered if I could use this situation to my advantage. Maybe I really should just let the guys do what they want, to spite my father for all the shit he’d done to me. Not worry about escaping just to get the satisfaction of seeing my father pissed about having to spend even more money on me. That didn’t sound too bad. A little messed up, but that was just what I was like. With that on my mind, I drifted to sleep again. There was little else I could do.

My dreams started off similarly to the ones I was awaken from. I was outside a liquor store with Ry and Andy, Ronnie inside with his fake ID buying us beer. The guys whistled at some girls walking past us and I laughed when the girls flipped them off. I looked to my right from where I was leaning against the wall and Ronnie was walking towards us with a twelve pack.

Suddenly there was a fist colliding with my face. It was day time and we were on the roof of our school, a place that was easily accessed and used by all smokers because no one else really checked up there. Ron was standing over me, fuming. Andy pulled a face and left to walk away. Ry hadn’t even bothered to move – he was stood by the edge of the rooftop, inhaling smoke before finishing his cigarette and following Andy.

Ron pulled me up, looking me in the eye before pushing me back down and following the others. That was how it was these days. They didn’t actually beat me up, I was a kid with influence after all. They just tormented me whenever we were away from the gazes of the rest of the school. Once I pulled myself up and went downstairs, Ron wrapped his hand around my shoulder and faked a grin. I did the same.

Then we were in a party and Ron approached me, smirking and obviously drunk, just like the rest of the people there. I gave him my best uninterested look but with one quick step forward his lips were on mine. My eyes widened and once I realized what he was doing, I pushed him away. He looked taken aback but once he regained his composure, he closed the gap again. I was quicker this time and locked myself in the bathroom. Despite being safe, I could still hear him banging on the bathroom door, jumping every single time I heard his fist collide with the door. It got harder and harder to breathe properly and I felt myself shaking.

‘Jack,’ a voice called out as I pulled at my hair, gasping for a breath.

‘Jack!’ the bangs rang out through the small, claustrophobic space of the bathroom.

‘God dammit, Jack, wake the fuck up!’

And I jumped awake. My eyes were open but all I could see was darkness and that didn’t help at all. ‘Get the blindfold off, please,’ I begged which was fucking pathetic but the bangs were echoing in my head and it was driving me insane. ‘Please, please, _please, please,_ ’ I repeated desperately until the blindfold finally came off. I pulled my knees up and rested my head on them, taking careful breaths as I looked down.

‘Thank you,’ I muttered after a couple of minutes of silence.

‘No problem,’ guy number two muttered and that was the second time I had heard him sound genuine. I looked up but he was facing away from me, looking through his drawers. A hoodie was already hiding his hair so I guessed he was looking for something to use as a mask.

‘Fuck!’ he exclaimed and slammed the drawer shut, opening the next one. I tensed up but didn’t flinch – it really wasn’t as bad when I could see where the noise was coming from. When the guy finally found something that reminded me very much of a Middle Eastern scarf, he tied it around his neck and finally turned around.

We both seemed to freeze, realizing that this was the first time we actually looked at each other. It was strange, putting a face to a voice. With Z it had been easy because I hadn’t had a lot of time to picture him in my head, and with James it was almost immediate. This guy, however, I had known since the first day, and he was definitely not what I had imagined. He had a bit of brown hair showing and his dark brown eyes were livelier, more vibrant than James’ and Z’s. I didn’t know what I had expected but he looked so… typical and so very human it was hard to connect what I was seeing to what I had heard before.

The guy furrowed his brows and walked over to his bed, sitting down and pulling his laptop out from underneath a pillow. I looked away, suddenly feeling awkward. He hadn’t put the blindfold back on but he obviously didn’t want to acknowledge me for any longer than he had so I left it at that, instead tilting my head to stare at the ceiling. The silence stretched until I no longer knew where to look, so instead I glanced back at the figure on the bed. I cleared my throat, 'so, I heard I'm on the news? Can I see that?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jack needs cuddles
> 
> so how about this, ilovetea? it's flippin three in the morning
> 
> apologies to everyone for the extremely stereotypical stuff in this chapter such as ronnie and andy being buttheads and jack being triggered to have a nightmare. such cringe, wow.  
> be aware i super duper love falling in reverse and black veil brides, and ronnie, ryan and andy are all sunshines
> 
> guilty x


	8. Planetary (GO!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack's sass + Alex's moodiness =

_**Alex** _

My eyes flickered up, in a slight surprise, to meet Jack’s stare. Did he seriously just ask me that? He’s never said anything normal towards me, let alone ask for something. So it’s fair to say - that surprised me. I kept looking at him, waiting for him to look away or maybe say that that’s really not that important, or that he really doesn’t want to see it that much, but he did none of the things. His eyes said just one thing – ‘show me’.

I sighed and slowly shook my head at him, looking back at my laptop and writing ‘Jack Barakat missing’ in the search bar. Many articles popped up, but I chose few with the video included. There were no need for him to read anything.

I clumsily got up from my bed, nearly falling over while keeping a strong hold on the laptop, “Fuck,” I muttered, hating the damp and humid feeling that was left between the scarf and my skin. All I wanted to do was pull it off and breathe normally.

“I’ll show you just few videos,” I said to him, sitting down on the floor next to him, feeling his body tense and his eyes on me. I put my laptop on my legs, so that he could see it, “There’s more, but there’s really no need for you to see more. Information is the same,” I surprised myself by speaking so much to him.

I opened the first video, it showing the news lady with shoulder length dark hair, headline ‘son of a billionaire missing’ written in red letters stretching across the bottom of the screen as the woman was telling the little of the information they had about Jack’s disappearance.

I heard Jack let out a breathe when the woman in the video said, “Rian Dawson sat down to have a conversation with us while his family still refuse to give media their statement,” camera showing very nervous looking Rian.

I took a quick glance of Jack, his dark eyes fixated on the screen as Rian told his side of the story, when and where he had seen Jack last and what he had said to him. The video ended with the same woman asking everyone who had seen Jack to call the number below.

“Oh, so he didn’t persuade my parents. They still don’t care,” Jack said after a while, his eyes still on the screen, “James lied.”

“Who the fuck is James?” I asked without thinking about it, while looking for another video I planned on showing to Jack.

“One of you,” Jack looked at me a little bit shocked, “I mean…I think he is. Or there was a guy who broke in to your apartment and fed me.”

“Oh, okay,” I said, understanding who he was talking about. Jaime. There were no one else here to feed Jack so it must be Jaime Jack’s talking about, “so, here’s another one and that’s it for now.”

Jack looked back at the screen, some woman again introducing the viewers with the news and then showing both Jack’s parents.

“What the fuck,” Jack quietly said, his eyes wide. His mom looked close to tears, asking for everyone’s help, while Jack’s father stood next to her. He looked quite unimpressed with the situation and like he obviously thought it was a waste of time.

I drummed my fingers against the side of the laptop, waiting for video to end so I could get up from the floor and leave Jack alone here. I couldn’t bear looking at Jack’s parents, hating the fact that they didn’t appreciate what they had. They were already ready to give away fifty thousand to anyone who had at least seen Jack.

“What the fuck are they doing?” Jack asked, letting out a laugh, “Why are they doing this,” he chuckled.

I wanted to punch him. He obviously didn’t understand anything. The money his parents were ready to throw away for, probably, nothing were nothing to him too. He could just laugh at them. They could be giving fifty thousand to anyone who said that they’ve seen Jack somewhere. Did they really not care about their money or were they really that desperate to see Jack again?

“You know I could just call them and say I’ve seen you somewhere in the city and they’d be giving me money,” I grumbled, getting up from the floor, “kind of stupid.”

“You wouldn’t get that money. My father would check everything before doing anything. If you would be the only person saying that you’ve seen me, you’d probably get nothing. Trust me, I know him,” Jack said, his tone serious.

I looked at him skeptically, but he didn’t seem to be lying.

“I am serious,” he said, using the same tone, “if you want to get money out of him, you’re gonna have to prove it to him that you really have me and that I’m not here on my own accord, cause, trust me, he’s gonna think that I’m just hiding from him or something.”

I looked away from him, feeling my stomach churn at his words. Not that it would be that hard to prove it to his father that Jack was kept here against his will. I just hadn’t really thought of a way we’d present the news to Jack’s parents.

I closed my laptop, throwing it back on the bed and turning around to leave the room, my fingers already tugging on the annoying scarf.

“No,” I heard a whine behind me.

“What?” I turned back around to glare at Jack.

“Don’t leave,” a light pink color rose to his cheeks, “I’ve been in this room for…god knows how long and I’m going insane in here.”

“And what do you want from me?” I asked, annoyed at him.

“Stay? Talk to me?” he asked sheepishly.

I sighed at that, the humid air under the scarf starting to suffocate me.

“Just…” I reached my hand up to scratch my nose, but stopped, realizing that that would lead me to taking off the scarf, “just wait.”

I turned around and left the room. The moment I closed the doors behind me, I pulled the scarf off, breathing in deep.

“You’ve been in there for quite a while and I haven’t heard any yelling. What’s wrong?” Vic asked me when I walked in the kitchen. He was sat at the table, his laptop in front of him on the table and a cup of coffee next to it.

“You’re not sick of coffee yet?” I ignored his question.

“This one is not from the shop,” he shrugged, “but you haven’t been there for a while. Don’t you think you should at least go down there few times a week?”

“I’m busy,” I mumbled, looking through the cupboards for a bottle of something alcoholic.

“Really?” he sounded unsure, “And what’ve you been doing?”

“Keeping some company to our guest and trying not to break anything,” I pulled out a bottle of wine from the back of the cupboard.

“You didn’t get the pills?”

“No. They didn’t have them,” I found a bottle opener and opened the bottle, “asked me to come back next week.”

“So now you’re going to drink?” he suspiciously eyed the bottle I my hands.

“Yes. And entertain our guest,” I took a sip from the bottle before reaching back in the cupboard to take a glass for Jack. If he’d want.

After our little conversation just a few minutes ago, it had dawned on me that it was best of me to stay on his good side. Not completely but enough for him to trust me while still respecting me. He seemed to have bonded quite well with Zack, but it was too much. I did not want to be his new best friend, a shoulder to cry on or someone he could trust. I am far from being a person anyone could trust.

I pulled the scarf back up, hiding most of my face. I will have to put the blindfold back on his eyes. He can drink without having to see, but I need my mouth to be free, without this annoying scarf.

As I entered my room, Jack’s eyes were already on me, “I thought you were looking for someone else to keep me company.”

“Do you want me to find someone else?” I arched my eyebrows.

“No, no,” he said too quickly, “it’s fine. As long as you’re not threatening me.”

“It’s all up to you,” I huffed, “You want some?” I asked, showing him the bottle.

“Are you asking me if I want to drink? With you? Everyone else have abandoned you?” he chuckled at his joke, but quickly straightened his face once catching my glare, “Yes, please.”

“Okay, but you’ve seen enough,” I said, taking the blindfold in my hands and walking towards Jack, tying it back around his head and taking away his vision, “you don’t have to see what you’re drinking.”

“So that you can finally poison me?”

“Shut up!” I snapped, reaching up to untie one of his hands, “and don’t think I’m not watching you.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re watching me. I’m quite good looking,” he smirked, making my blood boil. It took everything in me not to smack that smirk off his face.

“You make it really hard for anyone to like you,” I said, pulling the scarf away from my face and pouring the red liquid in glass, and giving it to Jack.

“I could say the same about you,” he smiled and took a sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really sorry for not updating this but...the last few weeks were quite crazy.
> 
> but, hey!! at least alex is being somehow decent towards jack ;D
> 
> \- ilovetea


	9. Stop!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stop! Take some to think... Or, well, just down a whole bottle of wine.

_**Jack** _

‘I could say the same about you,’ I smiled before putting the glass to my lips and taking a sip. I couldn’t help the content sigh that followed as the wine washed down my throat. ‘This is good. Proper good,’ I said, taking another sip. ‘Not like the pretentious drinks my family buys,’ I added.

‘Good to know,’ the guy answered and I could hear him take a gulp from the bottle.

Silence settled again and for the first time it wasn’t tense or anxious. Instead I took my time to think back to what the guy had shown me. I hadn’t known how much I had missed Rian until I saw his exhausted face on the news. I felt sorry for him because he seemed miserable and I knew I was the cause of that. I wished I could just tell him everything would be alright. I hoped James, whatever his real name was, would keep his promise and tell Ri I wasn’t about to die.

As for my parents, I found it hilarious to see my dad pretending to care. I knew he only appeared on the news because my mum had begged him to. Honestly, I hoped I could see his face when he finally realized his son was actually kidnapped. Maybe I’d even let the guys beat me up so that they could send him a beautiful image of me in blood. Then again, that would probably not be enough for him.

‘Can we play truth or dare?’ I suddenly blurted and even with the blindfold on I could feel the other guy pause and give me a look.

‘No.’

‘Right to the point. Jeesh. Never have I ever then?’ I asked, gulping down more of the wine.

‘No,’ he replied in the same monotone voice.

‘Oh, come on! Fine, you killjoy,’ I sighed before smirking at where I guessed the guy was still sitting. ‘Prepare to be amazed by my amazing story telling skills then,’ I warned him, moving my hand in the sassiest way without spilling the drink.

‘Oh God,’ I heard him mutter.

‘Hey, I did tell you I wanted to talk when I asked you to stay! You signed up for this, man! So, I’m gonna make this easy for you. I tell you a story in three sentences and you can give it one to ten stars, based on how fucking great it is.’

Another sigh. I grinned wider. ‘Cheer up, I’m, like, the best storyteller out there. Okay, okay, first one. When I was a sophomore, my music and art teachers got married and so we got a substitute teacher named Mr Wentz, or Pete as he asked us to call him. When I was a junior, I joined the music club, made friends with him and I noticed he would always be looking at this other senior in the music club and vice versa. So, when Friday came I stole the room’s key from Pete and locked the two of them in there for two hours, and needless to say, when I unlocked it later they were not expecting it. How about that?’ I finished with a laugh.

‘That’s a three,’ the guy said in an uninterested tone.

I gasped. ‘Excuse me, I was a great match maker, that deserves at least six stars!’ I said while sulking.

‘You locked your teacher and a student in a room for two hours.’

‘No, I locked my friend and his legal crush in a room where they proceeded to make out for those two hours.’

‘He was a student!’ he exclaimed.

‘Oh, please, like you care about what’s legal or not. In case you forgot, my other hand is still tied up. So, don’t judge and give me my six stars,’ I said with a smirk.

‘Four.’

‘Six!’

‘Five.’

‘Deal. Next story. I… Can we get more wine?’

‘Why? You planning on getting me drunk?’ he asked but this time there was something teasing in his tone.

‘No, I’m still thirsty and I’m craving more. So. Please,’ I said, pouting. I could feel him roll his eyes as he got up and exited the room. I heard some noises, words being exchanged, and then the guy was back, locking the door behind him with a huff. He walked over to me and I heard him settle down.

‘Two bottles? My, you’re moving fast. Will you make me romantic dinner next?’ I giggled and to my surprise he didn’t snap or growl at me to shut up. Instead, I heard an amused sigh and smiled at the sound. I held my hand out and he pushed the bottle towards me.

‘Right, okay. Next story. I was working in a pub for two months leading up to my graduation. They allowed me to play my guitar there every now and then, so it was a good deal. Anyway, uh, the three sentence rule starts here. So I was working there on a Saturday and I saw this dude getting something out and putting it in a girl’s drink. Me, being the spontaneous righteous hero I am, I thought I could kick him out but it comes as no surprise that I’m a lanky loser so I got punched right in the face and kicked in the stomach. My boss pulled him off of me and the guy was screaming that I was trying to drug his girlfriend, so I shrugged and said that unless she had a dick, I saw no point in trying to roofie her, and that’s the story of how I lost my job in a homophobic pub a week before graduation,’ I finished with a sarcastic laugh. ‘Man, that really got me down, I really liked that pub,’ I sighed. ‘So, what’s your rating?’ I smiled, taking a gulp from the bottle. When I didn’t hear a reply, I tilted my head. ‘Dude, please tell me you didn’t just fall asleep to my story. Or that you’re glaring at me.’

‘No, nope, just thinking. I think that one deserves eight out of ten,’ he mumbled.

‘What!? I got beat up and it doesn’t even get a ten. Oh, please.’ I faked a huff. ‘Okay, now that I’ve proven to you that I’m an amazing matchmaker and an even better badass, I think it’s time for dirty little secrets. Like that song, you know, by The All-American Rejects. Oh, man, I love them so much. Their new stuff has such great vibes as well!’

‘Jack,’ the guy sighed in fake annoyance and I giggled, pouring more wine down my throat.  
‘Aw, are you actually liking my stories? Anyway, yeah, so, back in high school I was friends with these three guys, and by being friends I mean we were there to feed one another’s egos and by guys I mean douchebags, right?’ I laughed and heard the guy let out a breathy laugh as well.

‘In reality I think we always hated one another, even though they only found a reason to actually hate me when we were all seniors. I think I first pulled a prank on them start of junior year. Every time they would cause someone misery, I’d do something to secretly spite them. So, one time we were in Chemistry and that morning they had pushed this kid in the hallway and then teased another girl in History. Oh, man, this is well over three sentences but this is so good, just wait for it!’ I paused to down another gulp.

‘Anyway, they were all useless when it came to Chemistry and we were doing experiments that day, so while they didn’t see, I swapped two of their bottles,’ I laughed and tried to hold in a burp, my head already feeling a little fuzzy. ‘Them being the idiots they were, they just went for it. And that’s how they caused an explosion. Sadly, those stunts should never be pulled in schools because everyone’s really sensitive on the subject, so we were all evacuated from the school until the Chemistry teacher could prove to the principal that everything was fine. The strangest thing was, apparently there was an actual fire in the Chemistry lab, which couldn’t be caused by Ronnie’s explosion, so I’m pretty sure another kid nearly burned down the school. Now how about that?’ I threw my head back, finding the memory hilarious. Ronnie’s face had been so priceless, all eyes judging him.

‘Okay, that one… That one earns a ten from me. It had drama, it had explosions and it had fire. That’s all you really need from a story,’ the guy said in an amused tone and I grinned at that.

‘Have I earned a game of truth or truth yet? You said no to truth or dare, but I think I deserve this now,’ I said while gesturing with my hands. As if on cue, I nearly dropped the bottle.

‘Careful with that. I think you’ve had enough to drink already,’ he said, trying to pull the bottle from me.

‘M’nope. Let’s play truth or truth and take wine shots. Wine shots, oh God, that’s brilliant. I’m brilliant. Can we do that?’ I begged, trying to hold in a giggle.

‘Take shots for what?’ the guy asked.

‘Just, like, a reward for every truth. Come on, please!’

‘Fine, okay. We’ll have to use the glass though,’ he said and I tried to fist pump, nearly dropping the bottle again. ‘I’ll take that from you now,’ he said and with a laugh I let him take the bottle. I heard him pour a little into the glass from before and I took that as my chance to go first.

‘Okay then. Jimmy Fallon style. Truth or truth?’ I asked, trying to hide my grin.

I heard the guy sigh. ‘Truth, obviously.’

‘What is a name that I can use to refer to you, sir?’ I asked, trying to pull off a serious expression.

He seemed to ponder the question for a while and in the meantime I was biting my lip, hoping I hadn’t just crossed a line.

‘William,’ he finally said and I heard him have his drink before pouring some more into the glass. I laughed.

‘Nice one, Will. Okay then, Will. Will. Yeah, I’m fine with Will. Well, Will, I’m Jack. It’s nice to meet you properly,’ I giggled and held my hand out somewhere in the direction of where I thought he was. After a second he actually reached forward and shook it, and I slumped back against the wall, feeling content.

‘Well, Jack. What is your favourite song?’ Will asked and I used my free hand to pretend to facepalm.

‘You’re meant to ask if it’s truth or truth before you dive into the question. But really? I don’t… Like, music-wise, or lyric-wise, or-’

‘When I say favourite song, which is the first song that pops in your mind?’ he cut me off.  
‘Adam’s Song. Blink. Yeah, Adam’s Song,’ I told him.

‘Oh,’ Will muttered. I tilted my head. Was he judging? I said that aloud while trying to find the glass of wine.

‘No, not judging, just surprised. Didn’t expect that. It’s a good one,’ he explained and helped me by handing me the glass which I gulped in one go. He filled it up again.

‘Of course it is. Blink are the greatest. Anyway, truth or truth?’

‘Ah, this is a difficult one. I’ll have to say truth,’ he teased and I snorted. Fuck, I was gone already.

‘Cats or dogs? This is an important one. Your answer will either earn respect or hatred,’ I told him, trying to point my index finger at him and probably looking like a fool.

‘Oh, I see. Well, better watch out because I’ll judge you based on this as well but… dogs,’ Will said and I pumped my fist in the air with a broken ‘yessss’ as I yawned. I heard him laugh at me before he asked me if I chose truth or truth.

‘I think we’re so far in this already… Hit me with truth!’ I exclaimed.

‘Are you depressed?’ he asked me and I felt like he had just poured ice cold water over me.

‘I-what? No. No, I’m not depressed,’ I replied. ‘I’m a lot of things but depressed is not one of them. Why would you ask that?’

‘Honestly, I don’t know. Fuck, I have no idea,’ he said and I could hear him getting stressed out.

‘No, no, it’s fine, I mean that’s okay, just… Didn’t expect that. Not exactly a first date quality question, right?’ I laughed, reaching for the glass and pouring the wine down my throat. ‘Do you wanna do the serious talk? I feel like this entire thing has been building up to it, actually. I’m at that point of drunk right now where I might as well start pondering the meaning of life,’ I admitted, trying to move around and make myself more comfortable.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. We’re drunk,’ Will mumbled and I let out a sarcastic laugh.

‘Oh, please, you started this. You wanna know how many shades of fucked up I am, and so do I,’ I told him, using my free hand to ruffle my hair.

‘Excuse me?’ he asked, his tone growing cold.

‘You wanna know my problems. You wanna know why I’m always complaining when it comes to my parents. You think I’m seeking attention, but now you’re drunk and you’re questioning it, you’re thinking maybe there’s more to it. So, why not? I want to know what’s wrong with you too. Plus, we’re drunk. We can always blame everything on being drunk,’ I explained, gesturing with my hand before blindly searching for the bottle. Will wasn’t saying anything so I huffed. ‘Fine, I’ll go first. Why do you hate me so much?’

I wished I could take the blindfold off to see Will’s face. Instead I settled for downing another gulp of the alcohol.

‘I don’t hate you. I dislike what you stand for,’ he said matter-of-factly.

‘How does that even work? You don’t know what I stand for,’ I laughed, unable to control myself.

‘You believe in the benefits of popularity, wealth and class,’ he explained, voice still serious.  
‘You don’t know me at all. I’m not my parents. I couldn’t care less about any of those,’ I defended myself.

‘They all say that, don’t they?’ he asked.

‘They? Who’s they? I stand for what I’ve learnt to believe in. I stand for being able to pull yourself up from a dark pit, to prove people otherwise, to live for what you love, even if it causes you misery. I made my fair share of mistakes as a teen to know that I never want to go back to being mindless fool,’ I explained and heard a sigh. ‘Now, ask me something,’ I finished and started playing with my hair again, suddenly feeling nervous.

‘Right. Why do you keep refusing food?’

‘Some people think it’s an eating disorder. I don’t really think it is. I’m just never too hungry, especially if I feel stressed. I started losing my appetite end of my senior year, and it never really returned after that. I still eat, it’s just it sometimes take persuasion to take that first bite because that’s where the nausea hits,’ I told him with a shrug. ‘Do you have an anger disorder?’

I heard Will shuffle before he sighed. ‘You could say that. It’s more complicated than that,’ he replied and there was something in his voice that told me if I pressed any more on that topic, it wouldn’t end well. ‘What’s the deal with you and your parents?’

‘I’ve always had a strained relationship with them. My father’s looked at me as the disappointment of the family ever since I was a kid. My siblings don’t have a perfect relationship with him either, but at least it involves respect. I pulled this stunt on him once, right? I hid a camera on his bookshelf and it recorded the moment he slapped me and screamed at me. Then I used that footage to blackmail him into buying me a new guitar amp. It was a good deal,’ I added with a bittersweet laugh. ‘Okay, if you don’t hate me, why did you beat me up when I was already knocked out?’

‘I was having a bad day,’ he replied and I snorted before pressing my palm against my forehead.

‘Oh God. So you’re literally saying you beat me up because you could? Because I was giving you your chance at redemption here, you know.’ Silence followed and I sighed, ‘dude, you started this, don’t get pissed at me for being curious!’

‘I’m not. I just don’t know what you want to hear from me,’ he explained. ‘I did what I did, and I don’t regret doing it,’ he said coldly.

‘What you’re saying is that if you could, you’d beat me up again?’ I asked, suddenly feeling angry.

‘No. I’m saying that I don’t feel sorry for what I did,’ he repeated once again, still with no emotions behind his voice. ‘If you hated your high school friends so much, why did you stick with them?’

The question caught me off guard. I had not expected Will to ask me about my friends again. ‘Dunno. I felt protected, I think. At first I obviously thought that made me cooler than others. Respected. As time went past, I really had no choice but to stick with them. Once you join a crowd, you can’t just leave, especially with people like Ronnie. He just hated everything but he still cared about reputation. They found me kissing this guy once, Dallon, I think, and I ended up limping home. When I came to school the following Monday, it was like nothing had changed, they gave me fist bumps and all. Then lunch came and once we were away from everyone’s eyes, the abuse came back. It was weird like that but I let it slide to avoid drama,’ I shrugged.

‘You’re an idiot,’ Will stated.

‘Excuse me?’ I asked, furrowing my brows behind the blindfold.

‘You stayed friends with your bullies to keep your reputation. You are an idiot,’ he repeated.

‘I stayed with them because they were the only friends I had!’

‘You could’ve made new ones,’ he replied in the same cold tone.

‘I had two months left. Do you really think people would’ve believed that I had somehow magically changed into this tolerable nice guy?’ I asked.

‘Yes, that is exactly what I’m suggesting would’ve happened,’ he said.

‘Then you’re no better than a fool yourself! I didn’t just stick with them because I thought I wouldn’t make new friends, I stayed because I still thought they were my friends. Sure, that was an illusion, but we had been a group since the freshman year. I wanted to believe that if I had changed, so would they,’ I told him, feeling my throat close up.

‘That doesn’t make any sense,’ Will stated, his voice still void of emotions.

‘Jesus, what is wrong with you? I was alone, okay? My father hated me, my friends hated me, I had recently come to terms with my sexuality and who I wanted to be, I had no drive to fight back!’ I said, my voice getting louder as I got more annoyed. ‘I thought if I didn’t fight back, they’d understand that I still wanted them to stick with me.’ I admitted, my voice cracking. ‘I thought they’d come around, you know? I just had so much hope,’ I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from letting out a sob.

_Pathetic. Again._

‘I made my move few days before graduation. I had become friends with Rian, as well as two other dudes, and they’d always pick me up after school for some jamming. They found me badly messed up one day and talked some sense into me. So, the next day I stood Ronnie and the other two up. Rumours spread like fire but I managed to avoid the guys for the rest of the day. Sadly, you can only avoid your problems for so long,’ I let out a shaky laugh. ‘I… I am an idiot, aren’t I? You’re right. I thought I was doing the right thing. If I had just stood them up when it started, it wouldn’t have ended so badly. I think I didn’t know it then but I was terrified. I thought I was losing my way,’ I sniffled and then let my head hit the wall behind me.

‘Oh, God, I’m a moron. Fuck. I should’ve done something epic, right? Like, key their cars or something. Paint their lockers in rainbow colours. Ah, that would’ve been great,’ I was full-on laughing by then, pulling at my hair with my free hand. ‘Maybe then I wouldn’t be such a mess. That would’ve been so good,’ I told myself, my voice dropping to a whisper as I kept pulling at my hair. Suddenly, there was a hand pulling mine away and a presence right next to me.

‘Breathe,’ Will told me quietly and I realized I had been on the brink of another panic attack. I tried to let out a laugh but instead it sounded like a broken sob.

‘I thought maybe I deserved it for all the bad things I had done. I didn’t fight it,’ I whispered, barely aware of the fact that Will’s hand was now playing with my hair even though there was still a comfortable gap between us. For the first time the touch didn’t cause me to tense up and instead I found myself pressing my head against the wall and focusing on my breathing, wondering just why the hell had I thought getting drunk was a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm aware that i’m a butt for not updating either of my fics for a month. –cringe-  
> now can we talk about death of a bachelor being fcking amazing? and i’m seeing all time low and twenty one pilots next month. i'm crying, bye.
> 
> also i made a new twitter account and i’m lacking awesome people to follow so hit me up at @smolbuds cuz i'm very lonely.
> 
> guilty x


	10. Hanging By A Thread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One, two, someone's about to break. Guess who.

**_Alex  
_**  
When I woke up it wasn’t because of how dry my mouth was or how much it felt like my bladder would explode. It was because Jaime was shaking me awake, whispering, “You gotta come downstairs with me,” after I had opened my eyes.  
  
I let a quiet groan slip past my lips. Working was the last thing I wanted to do right now. Not with how much I wanted to get a glass of water, or a bottle, that would help too, and not with how much more I would’ve preferred to roll on the other side and fall back asleep.  
  
“He’s sleeping?” I asked him just as quietly.  
  
He nodded, “And get up. I won’t survive alone down there,” he said before leaving me alone. Well, not alone cause of Jack, but he was still sleeping so he didn’t really count.  
  
As I quickly got ready my thoughts drifted back to everything Jack had said the previous night about his parents, his so called friends and then there was this Rian. If I was right that must have been the guy I saw Jack with at the coffee shop a couple of times. But what surprised me the most was when he mentioned the fact about his sexuality. That was something I didn’t know. I remembered him coming to school with a black eye or a cut lip, but I never thought it was because of that. And that it was his best friends doing that. He really was an idiot.  
  
For a moment there I considered leaving some water for Jack, but as fast as the thought crossed my mind it was gone. He wouldn’t see it anyway and Vic and Zack should be somewhere around to take care of him. I had already spent enough time with him.  
  
As I was about to leave the apartment Zack’s voice stopped me, “When are we sending out that letter? I’m honestly getting tired of him being here.”  
  
As much as I hated the tone he used to talk to me, I understood that he was right. We needed to do that. In the next few days. Tomorrow maybe.  
  
“Yeah,” I nodded, “we need to add few things but it’s more or less done. Ready to be sent. But I won’t do it,” I said as I let the doors fall closed behind me. I could hear Zack’s surprised ‘what!’ behind the doors but I really couldn’t care about that any less. After all, I wrote most of the letter, Jack was staying in my room so if anything happened, it was all up on me. The least they could do was feed him and send the letter. At least no one could blame me for that.  
  
“We need to finish that letter,” I whispered to Jaime once I finally showed up at the coffee shop, seeing him struggling to keep up with the customers standing in the line.  
  
“Don’t mention it here,” he hissed, giving the change back to two young girls.  
  
“Just sayin’,” I shrugged, taking the next order and faking a smile. I really hated working here. I wanted to own the place, not actually work there.  
  
\---  
  
As hours passed Jaime noticed I was getting more and more frustrated, glaring at everything and everyone who dared to enter the coffee shop.  
  
“Go back up, ask Vic to come down,” he quietly said as I was pouring a cup of coffee. He knew I was out of pills and no one needed me to pour this cup over someone’s head.  
  
“Kay,” I mumbled, giving the cup over to him and leaving the place with all the annoying people, tired of the smell of coffee. It felt like all my clothes were smelling of it too, irritating me even more.  
  
Vic was lying on the couch, watching ‘Once Upon a Time in Mexico’ that he had seen way too many times. “You need to go to the coffee shop.”  
  
“I thought it’s your day,” he answered, sounding half asleep, but at least putting enough effort to turn his head and look at me.  
  
“It was. I’m done,” I snapped, leaving him to get up and go downstairs.  
  
I reached my room but was stopped by the doors; they were locked. “Great,” I muttered, knocking loudly.  
  
“You better have a scarf on or take one of mine,” I heard Zack’s voice.  
  
“What? You have him without the blindfold? Why do I need to cover my face? It’s my room!” I exclaimed, going to Zack’s room to take one of his scarves and tying it to cover my face.  
  
**_Jack  
_**  
For the first time in days I woke slowly, taking time to open my eyes. When I did, I was disappointed but not surprised – Will had left the blindfold on. There was nothing I hated more than the feeling of my eyelashes brushing against the fabric so I closed my eyes and sighed. My head felt a little fuzzy but thankfully there was no nausea so I wasn’t in a hurry to move. It dawned on me then that I was actually laying on the floor and wasn’t in a contorted pose like I had been most of the nights. My hands were tied in front of me to what I presumed was the metal bar at the bottom of the heater instead of the top one and I was sleeping on my side. As if on cue my shoulder and neck started aching so with another sigh I moved, leaning on my elbow and knees, and got up from the floor to sit down, crossing my legs in front of me.  
  
I couldn’t hear any noises and guessed that meant I was alone in the room. With the blindfold on my sense of time became distorted. I knew it had just been Wednesday but I wasn’t sure if it was already Thursday or if I had slept through an entire day into Friday. Friday. Rian’s birthday. I felt my guts twist as I remembered that he still didn’t know if I was alright. His worried face made me feel sick in my stomach. I didn’t want to ruin my best friend’s birthday. He needed to know I wasn’t worth panicking over.  
  
I stayed like that for what could’ve been an hour, just cringing as memories of how I had acted whilst tipsy flooded my mind. I had always been a talkative drunk but I wished I could take back most of what I had told Will. I had given him most of my backstory while he had swiftly avoided nearly all of my questions.  
  
_You know you’re an idiot, don’t you?  
_  
I knocked my head against the wall, wincing. The sound of footsteps approaching snapped me out of my pity party and the moment the door squeaked, I turned my head towards the noise.  
  
‘Will?’ I asked, pushing the thought of being a fool for calling them by their names away.  
  
‘Don’t worry, just me. Morning, Jack,’ Z told me with a soft voice as he locked the door behind him and I immediately relaxed, happy I wouldn’t have to deal with the source of my current emotional problems.  
  
‘Hey,’ I said and soon enough I heard him shuffling towards me and the sound of plates being set onto the floor followed.  
  
‘I’ll take that blindfold and scarf off now, yeah?’ he warned me and I hummed, letting him know it was alright. I felt him reach behind my head as he undid the blindfold and the moment it fell around my neck I was greeted by his face right in front of mine. Talk about awkward. I looked down at my lap as he reached for my hands and undid both of the knots. ‘Hope you like tacos,’ he said once he had moved away and after a glance at the plates and the glass of water I already felt much better.  
  
‘Oh my God, is this real life?’ I exclaimed as I reached for the glass and grabbed one of the tacos without waiting for Z to reply. I downed most of the glass before finishing the taco and letting out the most inappropriate sound of satisfaction. ‘This is what life is all about,’ I moaned.  
  
‘Glad you’re enjoying them. I made these,’ Z told me with, amused, and I smiled at him, grabbing another one of the tacos.  
  
After a short journey to the bathroom and back, I found myself sitting on the bed next to Z, similarly as I had to James. I guessed James had told him that I had made no run for an exit so Z seemed calm next to me. We had just finished seven episodes of Adventure Time (that had involved a lot of laughter from both of us) and were listening to Billy Talent’s Dead Silence (by which time I was already laying on the bed instead of sitting) when there was loud banging on the door. I immediately jumped up and saw Z roll his eyes.  
  
‘You better have a scarf on or take one of mine,’ Zack shouted as he got up, taking the key from his pocket.  
  
‘What? You have him without the blindfold? Why do I need to cover my face? It’s my room!’ I heard Will exclaim and grinned, amused at the tone in his voice.  
  
‘He’ll go blind if that thing is around his eyes all the time. He needs a little sunshine in his life… and sometimes I think you do too,’ Z shouted back and I snorted, covering my face with my hands.  
  
‘No one’s ever gone blind that way, you fucking idiot,’ Will replied.  
  
Once the door was unlocked, it was barely few seconds later that it was wide open and Will had stepped into the room while Z was picking up our empty plates. The moment Will’s gaze met mine I felt a shiver run down my spine and my smile was wiped off my face. He was angry. I curled up on myself and saw Z walk over to me, still oblivious.  
  
‘What the fuck, Zack?’ Will’s cold voice rang through the room. ‘What next, you’ll let him take a stroll around the apartment? The city, maybe?’ I could see his knuckles turning white as his eyes were throwing daggers at Z – Zack? – who still seemed unimpressed.  
  
‘Stop being so uptight, the door was locked,’ Zack replied, setting the plates on the table and turning to Will, seemingly not worried about Will letting his name slip. I knew Zack had said the wrong thing when I saw Will snap, grabbing Zack by his blue t-shirt. My breath hitched. I didn’t want to see it so I closed my eyes, breathing slowly. To my surprise, when I heard a hiss of pain it didn’t come from Zack. Instead, it was Will. My eyes snapped open to see that Zack had moved behind Will, twisting his left hand behind the guy’s back painfully. ‘Don’t you dare, dude. I’m done with your crap. Do you really think I couldn’t have handled him if he had tried to run? Suck it up and deal with it because all of this was your fucking idea,’ Zack hissed before letting go of Will’s hand and stepping away, walking over to the bed as if nothing had happened.  
  
Will’s face was flustered in anger and he gritted his teeth before turning around and walking out of the room, slamming the door shut the loudest I had ever heard, making me jump. The sound was still ringing through my ears even when Zack looked over at me, apologetic. ‘Sorry about that, dude. He’s got… problems,’ he said with a shrug, like what I had just experienced was nothing.  
  
‘Uh, I… Can I get some more water? I don’t feel too well,’ I told Zack instead.  
  
**_Alex  
_**  
I stormed down the stairs, saw Vic and Jaime through the window of the coffee shop and jumped into my car. I was definitely driving too fast, but due to it being midday, I was forced to stop too often. Too many other cars on the road and too much of that red light.  
  
I didn’t even think of whether Brendon was home or not, it only dawned on me once I was at his front doors and no one was opening them. “Dammit!” I slapped my fist against the doors one more time, before resting my forehead against them, breathing in deeply and trying to clear my head.  
  
I pulled out my phone and found his number. I wasn’t going back home, Josh was out of the question and I sure as hell wasn’t going to my mom.  
  
“Hey, Alex,” Brendon’s voice rang through the phone.  
  
“Hi, when are you going to be home?” I asked, drawing invisible circles on his doors.  
  
“In a few hours, I have a meeting now,” he said in a hushed voice, “Where are you?”  
  
“At your front doors,” I muttered, not knowing what to do now. I could just wait for him, but his neighbours could start to look at me weirdly. He lives in a neighbourhood where everyone thinks that everything is their business. I was probably already getting weird looks from old ladies from the next doors or across the street.  
  
I could hear him let out a sigh before he continued, “Okay, go to my neighbour, she has a spare key.”  
  
“And she’s just going to give it to me?” I asked, a bit surprised.  
  
“Don’t hang up, give her the phone and I’ll explain it to her,” he said quickly.  
  
“Explain that this is your only chance in a long time to get me in bed?” I smirked.  
  
“I’m at work, don’t start this,” he said in a hushed tone.  
  
“I’m not starting anything. Not while I’m still on the street,” I chuckled, knocking on the door and waiting for someone to answer. Again.  
  
Five minutes later I was in Brendon’s house, lying in his bed and staring at the TV with blank eyes, too many thoughts running through my head. We needed to get that stupid letter ready, but it was on my laptop and obviously the laptop was still in my room. In my room where Zack probably still had Jack on my bed. My bed. Mine.  
  
I threw the remote away, followed by the pillows and blankets. I threw away everything I could get my hands on, sometimes having to yell in frustration when it was obvious that the thing would break and I couldn’t break Brendon’s stuff. I kicked the bed, punched the mattress and pillows, my breathing getting heavier, hair falling in my eyes.  
  
“Fuck them,” I mumbled, falling down onto the pillows I had thrown on to the floor.  
  
I must’ve fallen asleep cause the next thing I knew was Brendon lying down next to me, his arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me closer, “What happened here?” he whispered in my ear before pressing a kiss to my hair.  
  
“I hate Zack,” I mumbled, turning around in his arms so I could press my face against his neck.  
  
“At least you made it look like a cool campsite,” he laughed, brushing my hair out of my eyes.  
  
“Mhm,” I hummed, lightly pressing my lips against his skin, “I missed you,” I murmured, leaving a trail of kisses up to his ear, “I’m sorry for ignoring you for so long,” I whispered, lightly biting down on his earlobe.  
  
“That’s the least of my worries,” he groaned, “for now,” his hands slid down to cup my butt, pulling my body closer to his.  
  
“You know what you do to me when wearing that suit?” I whispered in his ear, sliding my hands over his chest, “and that tie does not help at all,” I pulled out his bottom lip with my teeth before connecting our lips in a kiss.  
  
**_Jack  
_**  
After Zack had fetched me a glass of water, he tried to talk to me, only earning short answers and nods or shakes from me. At some point he gave up and picked up a film to play. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the pillow, sleep coming to me easily.  
  
*  
  
_‘When did you know?’ Ri asked me, taking care of my bleeding nose.  
_  
_‘I dunno. I think I always knew, I just didn’t want it to be true, you know? I saw this beautiful guy in school once and I wanted to ask him out but I never saw him again. I think that just stayed with me all through junior year and then Dallon asked me out on a date last Friday and, I dunno, I just knew,’ I tried to explain before giving up with a shrug.  
_  
_‘What happened to Dallon?’ Ri asked, curious.  
_  
_‘He bailed on me. Stopped replying to my messages. I think Ronnie just scared him,’ I said. Rian picked up a plaster and put it over my nose and I winced. He gave me a pat on the shoulder and a comforting smile.  
_  
_‘Well, no point in dwelling on him then. How about you come hang out with a couple of my friends and I at a party tonight?’ he suggested and I rolled my eyes.  
_  
_‘With a split lip and this nose? No, thanks,’ I sighed.  
_  
_‘Oh, come on. I’m not letting you stay inside and be miserable. Plus, Josh will be there,’ he said with a smirk.  
_  
_‘Josh?’ I furrowed my eyebrows.  
_  
_‘You met him last week. Blue hair, remember? I told you he asked me about you,’ Ri explained and I smiled. ‘I know you wanna!’  
_  
_‘Fine, fine, jesus,’ I sighed and got up, Rian’s grin widening.  
_  
_‘Get the tightest pants, I’m setting the two of you up tonight!’ he exclaimed as I left the bathroom and made my way to my room.  
_  
_‘You barely have the confidence to ask a girl out, so thanks but no, I’m setting myself up,’ I shouted back with a laugh.  
_  
_*  
_  
When I opened my eyes, the lights in the room were off and there was a blanket pulled over me. Across the room, Zack was sitting on an armchair, legs draped over the side as he scrolled through his phone, reading something. Soft music was playing in the background, I recognized it as a song by The Killers. While it wasn’t dark out yet, it was getting gloomy. I closed my eyes and turned around with a hum, pulling the blanket over my shoulder.  
  
*  
  
_‘I think we should ditch the party and go to Taco Bell,’ I shouted in his ear, nearly falling over.  
_  
_‘I- Isn’t it way too late now?’ Josh worried, holding me up as I was too drunk to see straight.  
_  
_‘I’m asking you out on a date and you’re trying to reject me by saying it’s too late?’ I faked a gasp.  
_  
_‘Wha-No! I just, it’s nearly midnight, Jack!’ Josh explained but I shook my head.  
_  
_‘My heart, my poor heart, I’m being ditched,’ I pressed my palm over my heart and Josh rolled his eyes, grabbing my other hand.  
_  
_‘Fine, let’s go, you loser. I’m buying tho. And we’re hanging out on that supermarket rooftop, deal?’ Josh suggested with a smile and a grin spread over my face.  
_  
_‘Yes!’ I turned around, throwing my arms in the air. ‘I’ve scored a date with Joshua Dun! Can I get some ovation here?’ A couple of people turned and Rian did a whistle. I felt Josh tug me by my hand and when I turned back, I saw him shaking his head in disbelief.  
_  
_‘You’re an idiot. Come on then,’ he said, still smiling, and I let him pull me away.  
_  
_*  
_  
When I woke up next, there was no one in the room. It was dark outside but the lights in the room were on. To my surprise, the door to the corridor was open and the lights were on there as well. I sat up, pressing my back against the wall and stretching with a yawn. I didn’t dare move from the bed and instead waited curiously for someone to come in.  
  
It was around ten minutes later that I was greeted by Zack with a bowl of breakfast cereal and coffee, followed closely by James who shut the door behind him.  
  
‘Nice to see you awake. I made you some coffee in hopes you’d be up soon so I’m glad I was right,’ Zack said as he placed the food on the table near me. James took the spot next to me as he broke his pop tart into pieces and sneaked it under his scarf.  
  
‘Uh, thanks,’ I muttered, reaching for the cup, unsure of what was going on.  
  
‘So, we’ve got a recorder. We can’t let you call your friend but we can record a message and deliver it to him,’ James told me and my eyes widened in surprise.  
  
‘I-thank you! What day is it?’ I asked, still unable to believe that they would allow me to let Rian know I was okay. I thought Will would’ve rejected the idea the second he heard it.  
  
‘Friday,’ Zack replied.  
  
‘It’s Rian’s birthday,’ I muttered to myself and then took a sip of my coffee. ‘That’s some good timing on your side,’ I said with a genuine smile, too tired to brush of the fact that I really did appreciate them doing this.  
  
Zack gave me a nod and walked out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a voice recorder. He handed it to me before leaving the room again.  
  
‘It shouldn’t be longer than a minute and a half,’ James told me and I nodded. With a sigh I pressed the record button.  
  
How was I even meant to start this? Oh, God. ‘Uh. Hey, bud. Um. Happy Birthday. I… Well, I guess you know I’m in a bit of trouble at the moment. I totally blame this on you taking my car by the way,’ I laughed and scratched my head. ‘Nah, I don’t. All my fault. Anyway. I was allowed to record this to tell you I’m fine and still very much alive. Things could be better and sleeping on the floor fucking sucks but I haven’t lost any of my limbs yet so that’s great. I think I might actually survive this. Um. I hope the date went well. If it didn’t, sorry I wasn’t there with my great counselling skills the morning after. Got caught up. Thanks for pressuring my father into acknowledging I’m actually, well, taken. I know he wouldn’t be on the news if it wasn’t for you. So, yeah, uh, I think that’s all I can really give you right now. I love you, bro. Hope you have a great birthday and don’t worry about me for a while. Enjoy the time you have off. See you,’ I muttered, ignoring the way my throat was closing up.  
  
I pressed the stop button and took a deep breath before handing the recorder to James without looking at him. He took it from me, getting up, and I reached for my bowl of cereal as he left the room. Zack walked back in a minute later, having changed his clothes.  
  
‘Right, sorry, Jack, but I have to tie your hands up again,’ he told me and I sighed, swallowing three spoons of cereal before getting up and walking back to the corner by the heater. Zack picked up one of the pillows from the bed and followed me. I sat down and he put it behind my back before tying my hands up. I watched him work on the knots before he reached for my blindfold and covered my eyes. ‘Sorry for this.’  
  
I nodded silently and once he had left the room, I knew I was stuck with my thoughts again.  
  
**_Alex  
_**  
“You have to work today?” I asked, wrapping my arms tighter around Brendon, cuddling closer to him.  
  
“How else do you expect me to buy nice things for you?” he laughed, running his fingers over my bare back.  
  
“Don’t remember the last time you actually bought me anything,” I mumbled, actually having to think about it. Josh was the one to buy me things, Brendon was just really good in bed. He didn’t live in a fancy house or own expensive stuff. He was like everyone else, just better looking.  
  
Josh on the other hand came from a quite wealthy family, working in a family business, living in a fancy house and owning expensive stuff. He was the one to take me out to expansive restaurants, buy me expensive and nice things and give me money when I acted vulnerable and like I actually needed it. Which was most of the time.  
  
“I bought you that box of chocolate!” his fingers lightly gripped my chin to pull my face closer to his so he could press a kiss to my lips, “I have to go,” he whispered.  
  
“Mhm, whatever,” I answered, pulling covers up to my face once he was out of the bed, his naked body right in front of me, “I’m not going anywhere. Not if I get that when you come back,” I smiled innocently at him.  
  
“Good,” he said, walking over to his closet to get dressed, “you won’t get bored here?”  
  
“I’m sure I’ll find a way to entertain myself,” I smiled, rolling over on my back and looking over at Brendon.  
  
And I sure did have things to do. I needed to call Vic or Jaime and ask them to get my laptop, finish the letter and give it to Zack so he could send it. Or something. He’ll figure it out.  
  
Once Brendon was out the door, I took my time to roll around in the bed, not having to worry about anyone’s sleeping form in the corner of the room, or someone else being able to walk in. It gave me enough time to collect my thoughts and think over what Jack had said a few days ago.  
  
I remembered us having chemistry together in high school. The class I hated the most, besides the gym class. It also so happened that that was the class that made me hate Jack more. No. Not hate. Dislike. It was just so damn easy for him and he even had the nerve to make fun of others during the class. When it was obvious most of us didn’t know shit what we were doing. I hated high school.  
  
With a sigh I reached for my phone, found Vic’s number and pressed the ‘call’ button.  
  
“Hey man! You still alive out there?” he answered in a bright voice.  
  
“Yeah. You need to finish that letter and send it today,” I said, not letting him get a word, “Zack will send it, I talked to him, he’s okay with it. It is mostly finished, you just need to add the place where they should leave the money.”  
  
He was silent for a moment, “okay, but..okay. It’s on your laptop right?”  
  
“Yeah,” I answered, letting a yawn escape before I could stop it, “just add the part about money and it’s done.”  
  
“And where do you want them to leave the money?” he asked and could hear him unlocking the doors. Probably to my room where hopefully Jack was blindfolded, with his hands tied up. Like he should be.  
  
“Coffee shop,” I said, sitting up in the bed and looking around the room for my underwear.  
  
“You’re a moron,” he huffed, “that’s our place!”  
  
“That’s why it’s good!” I exclaimed, pushing the covers away and getting up, “If we would be guilty it would be stupid for us to ask them to bring the money to _our_ coffee shop! We’re not that stupid, right?”  
  
“You make very little sense, you know that?” he asked, his tone unimpressed.  
  
“Just think about it and it will make more sense,” I said before hanging up on him and pulling on my underwear. I borrowed some of Brendon’s clothes, thinking that he wouldn’t mind. Why would he.  
  
During the day I did nothing but eat, nap, watch TV and start it all over again. I ignored Zack trying to call me, as well as Vic. At least I answered to some of his texts, but as for Zack…I had nothing to say to him. My arm was still a bit sore and what he did was really uncalled for. I wasn’t going to punch him. I really wasn’t.  
  
Things changed a bit when Brendon came back home. Not much cause it was still eating, napping and watching TV, but now there was also cuddling, making out and having sex. Or as he had called it – ‘making love’.  
  
“You moron,” I laughed at him, “which part of your dick in me is called ‘making love’?”  
  
“Because it’s sweet and not rushed and it means something,” he kissed me, trying to show just how much it meant for him.  
  
“You’re still a moron,” I smiled when he pulled away.  
  
**_Jack  
_**  
Time passed both incredibly slowly and quickly at the same time whilst surrounded by silence. James had visited my room a few times since Friday, only to give me food and help me to the bathroom, and I was aware it was Sunday simply because the traffic had been quieter than usually all morning. I felt like I was going insane, thoughts flooding my head, but I had nothing else to pay attention to. The worst was that I was lacking human interaction – I was _missing_ my captors – and that made me feel ill. I didn’t want to see them but I felt like I was going to burst into tears if someone didn’t visit me soon.  
  
*  
_‘I’m sorry, Jack,’ Josh whispered, pulling his hand through his pink hair.  
_  
_‘It’s fine. I like you, bud, we’re good friends, but even I can see that Tyler is crazy about you and so are you. So just go for it,’ I told him with a smile.  
_  
_‘Thank you,’ he gave me a genuine smile and pulled me into a hug. ‘We’ll go out and find you a boyfriend this weekend, okay?’ he asked with a giggle and I snorted.  
_  
_‘Yeah, right. I bet you’ll be with Tyler all weekend,’ I laughed and Josh blushed. ‘On that note, I’ll have to tell him to grow his hair out a little longer for you.’  
_  
_‘What, why?’ Josh furrowed his brows.  
_  
_‘I bet he’ll do it too. Maybe he’ll grow it out longer than mine. To please all your kinks,’ I laughed and Josh’s face went red before he lightly shoved me to my left, making me laugh even louder. ‘Come on then, let’s find Ty and Rian.’  
_  
*  
  
_I was on the rooftop end of junior year when I saw a blur of light brown hair rush out from the school, guitar in the guy’s hand. I recognized the hair colour but I couldn’t place the face. I stared at the boy who was looking around, seemingly waiting for someone. I put my cigarette out and watched him. I knew I had seen him before but I wasn’t sure who he was. Anyone who played a guitar was in my good book, so I made a note to try and look out for him in school.  
_  
*  
  
_‘Jack Bassam Barakat, open this door right now!’ my father’s deadly voice rang through the house as he kept banging on my door. I might have been eleven but I knew that if I opened the door, it wouldn’t end well. I had accidentally spilled coffee over his laptop and it had malfunctioned, causing him to lose a couple of important documents.  
_  
_So, instead I was hiding. I was good at that – hiding. The bangs got louder and my heart was beating in my chest like crazy. I knew he could knock the door out if he wanted to and then he’d hurt me for the mischief I had accidentally done.  
_  
_‘Jack, open the door, NOW!’ he kicked the door and my throat closed up. My eyes were watering and I was shaking, holding to my pillow, too scared to move.  
_  
_Eventually the banging stopped and with a threat my father left the door but I stayed still, staring at it all through the night.  
_  
*  
  
I lied down, curling up on myself. Where was everyone? I needed a distraction.  
  
It was hours later when I heard the door squeak and perked up. However, I was greeted by the voice of first guy. ‘Hey. I made you some salad for if you’re hungry. Are you thirsty?’ He asked and I could hear him swaying by the door, unsure of whether he wanted to come in or not.  
  
I just shook my head. I didn’t want anyone. Why did I think I did? I was fine. ‘I’m fine. Not hungry. Not thirsty either,’ I muttered.  
  
‘Right. Whatever,’ the guy huffed and left, closing the door behind him. Immediately I regretted not asking him to stay. What was happening? Where was Will? There was a conflict in my head about whether I wanted to see them, or whether I wanted to see Rian. That’s how I fell asleep again, pondering if I was going to be killed by my thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we present to you a co-written chapter because why not.
> 
> so this is different..mostly cause i was lazy and didn't know how and what to do but i like how this turned out so you should too!!  
> -ilovetea
> 
> me at 2:30am to ilovetea after watching p!atd on ellen: his voice is just like.. like.. i wanna date his voice. i wanna have sex with his voice. that's how i feel.  
> guilty x


	11. Spectrum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get too close, you'll end up getting hurt. Literally.

_**Alex** _

_‘If you don’t come in today I will find you and drag your ass in here myself!’_ I read the message on my phone. It wasn’t even seven in the morning and, I get it, coffee shop opened at eight, but really? Even Brendon was still asleep and didn’t need to get up for another hour or so.

“Who’s that?” he mumbled from behind me, his arm tightening its hold on me.

“Zack,” I grumble out a reply, “wants me to go to the coffee shop today.”

“You haven’t been there since Friday, right? He does have a point,” he said, a yawn following that, coming out in a hot exhale on my neck.

“Shut up,” I kicked his leg under the blankets, throwing my phone on the bed and pulling the covers up and around my shoulders. I closed my eyes with a plan to fall back asleep but Brendon seemed to be in a mood for chat.

“You’re not gonna go?” I felt his nose press behind my ear, “Or at least answer that?”

“Maybe I did answer,” I gripped the side of the blanket, “shut up and let me sleep.”

“You didn’t,” he simply said and I felt his body relax behind me. At least he dropped the subject and I just hoped he wouldn’t start speaking again or I would push him out of the bed, for sure.

I let myself relax, letting my eyes fall shut and I was about to drift off again, when my phone rung, “Dammit!” I cursed, reaching out for it to see Zack’s name flash across the screen, “What?” I asked, answering it.

“I don’t care who you’re sleeping with, but if you’re not here…” he started.

“Yeah, I read your message! You’re gonna drag my ass there yourself! I got it!” I nearly yelled at him.

“So you better be here at eight or I swear to god…” he paused, “I will release Jack and you won’t get any money,” he said quietly, his voice dripping venom.

“You need that just as much as I do,” I hissed at him, my knuckles turning white from how hard I was gripping my phone, trying to lean my body away from Brendon so he wouldn’t hear what Zack was saying.

“I can think of other ways to survive,” he said, “be here at eight,” he said and hung up before I could replay.

“Fucker,” I muttered, sighing and making Brendon open his eyes to look at me, questioning look in his eyes. He leaned over me a bit and I could feel that he was trying to turn me around so I would be facing him, “No,” I whined, struggling and trying to turn back, but he didn’t stop till I was lying on my back and most of his weight was on my chest and holding me down. “What?”

“Nothing,” he answered innocently, “just want to see your pretty eyes,” he smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to my collarbone.

His brown eyes staring into mine, but I refused to look directly at him, instead staring past him at the ceiling, “I can drive you,” he started, getting my attention, my eyes focusing on his, “I need to get a morning coffee anyways and I know you can make a decent one with all the right ingredients.”

“I can make more than a decent one, you idiot!” I laughed, shoving him on his back and leaning over him to give him a little peck.

\---  
The first thing I heard from Zack was, “you’re late,” but I tried to ignore it only shooting him a glare and going to make a coffee for Brendon. He knew nothing so it was better to keep it that way, just bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut in front of Brendon. I’d have enough time and opportunities to say whatever I want to when he wasn’t here.

“Here,” I gave him the cup, smiling at him and about to lean in for a kiss when there was a cough from behind me.

I let out a long sigh in an attempt to calm down and not punch Zack in the face, “you have to work, I’ll see you later?” Brendon smiled at me, oblivious to my inner battle. I could just feel Zack throwing daggers in my back. I just need to get through half of the day with him before I can go to the drug store and hopefully finally get the damn pills.

“Yeah,” I nodded, eyeing the room behind him, people starting to take over the small coffee shop, “some time.”

I watched him leave, keeping my eyes on his behind, my mind registering a customer only when there was a jab in my ribs from Zack.I pulled my best smile on my face and asked, “What can I get you?” Little voice at the back of my head nagging me that I would have to do that for the next three to four hours, faking smiles at people and making countless cups of coffee.

“What is your problem?” I finally asked Zack, after about an hour of silent treatment from him, which wouldn’t bother me if there hadn’t been any other…incidents between us.

“What?” he asked, tone surprised and looked up from the cup he was currently filling with some sort of latte. I didn’t replay, just raised my eyebrows at him. I knew he heard me. It was his way of giving me an opportunity to change my mind, to change what I said or had wanted to say. He had a tendency to do that and it just drove me crazy.

“You haven’t done anything here for almost a week, you keep throwing your hissy fits and then just disappear for…like three days?” he added syrup to the latte, “And you ask what my problem is? You are my problem,” he turned away to smile politely at the customer and give them their latte.

“You know I have…issues so don’t act like I’m fine and there’s no reason as to why I am acting the way I am,” I hissed in his ear.

“Don’t blame it all on that,” he whispered back, curious pair of eyes watching us from behind the counter, “and take the order, would you?” he kindly smiled at me and I wanted nothing more than to punch him right in the face. Instead I sneered at him, turned around and left him there, slamming the doors of the bathroom louder than I had intended to do.

My hands were shaking and my breath was equally as shaky. ‘Get yourself together, you don’t need it now, you fool,’ I told myself, my hands gripping the edges of the sink like it was a lifesaver and my life depended on it. ‘You’re gonna go back out there, ignore Zack, smile, make the coffee and then get out of there,’ I whispered to myself. As weird as it sounded it helped, my breath evened out and my hands stopped shaking. I pulled my phone out of the pocket to check the time. Just two more hours and I would be free to go.

I was so close to breaking something, smashing a mirror or shattering something else. The problem was that there really wasn’t anything much to break or throw unless I wanted to break the toilet and have water flowing everywhere. We would have to close the café then and that wouldn’t do us any good. No incomes for the day plus the payments to fix it. That didn’t stop me from doing that back in high school. Plus no one found out it was me and after it was fixed everyone just forgot about that. No problems for me back then.

I took a deep breath and exited the bathroom, clearing my mind and ignoring Zack. That was my plan. Ignore everyone and everything as much as possible. That would get me through the day. Through the rest of the two hours I was supposed to be here. And it did work. For most of the day.

As the day went on the people started to clear out. The coffee shop was still full but most of the customers were sitting at their tables and not queueing so I was left with nothing to do. And that led me to drawing on the cups and writing stupid inspirational texts on them. Thankfully Zack left me alone and went to wash the cups. He had muttered something about not trusting me with them but I just ignored him, taking a few deep breaths and returning to drawing. That was until there was a cough from the other side of the counter.

“What can I get for you?” I asked, focusing my attention on the voice. Waiting for the guy to order his drink, I put the cup I was drawing on, down, my head snapping up when he asked, “Uh, um, actually I was wondering if you could put some of those flyers up?”

His face seemed familiar. I quickly scanned my brain, recognizing him as the guy from news. Jack’s friend. Rian or Ryan or something. I looked away from his face, focusing my eyes on the flyers the guy was holding in his hands, Jack’s face on them. He looked so different in the picture. It wasn’t just because of the bruises and healing cuts that were covering his face now. He actually looked happy in the picture, a little bit surprised but still happy. Not that he should be blamed for not looking particularly happy now.

“No,” my answer was short. I leaned down to write down something in the open notebook on the counter, hoping that the guy would get the hint and just leave.

“Excuse me?” he asked, shock evident in his voice, his wide eyes matching the tone.

“We’re a coffee shop, not a police station. Are you ordering anything because if not then please step aside,” I said, wanting nothing more than to push him out the doors.

“Yes, can I get a large cappuccino to go, and a ‘why are you such a jerk’ would be nice, too,” a girl I hadn’t noticed before said, sickeningly sweet smile on her lips. I opened my mouth to replay but felt a hand on my shoulder, lightly pushing me away, “Alex, make that cappuccino. Can I help you?”

I turned around to quickly make that cappuccino, still being able to hear their conversation, the guy asking the same question – if it was possible to put the flyers up. I couldn’t help but huff and roll my eyes when Zack said, “Sure,” and took all the flyers from the guy. I finished making the cappuccino and was putting the lid on the cup when Zack assured them that he’d put one of the flyers up by the door and hand the rest out to people. As well as not missing the opportunity to say, “Hope you find your friend.” Which made me scoff.

“That’s what the police is for,” I muttered, putting the cup down on the counter, the only one paying any attention to me was the girl and only because her eyes were on the cup.

“So do I. At least I know he’s alive, I just have to find him now,” the guy said, forcing a smile on his face. That got my attention and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to not ask what he meant by that. They paid for the cappuccino and turned to leave, my eyes still on the guy, wondering what that was about and I almost missed the girls hiss, “be thankful we even paid for this, you ass,” before she also turned around to follow the guy out of the coffee shop.

“Be thankful I didn’t spit in it,” I muttered, aware that she couldn’t hear me.

I looked to my right to see Zack holding the flyers and looking down at the picture of Jack, “What did he mean by that?” I asked him, not looking at the picture, instead looking Zack dead in the eyes.

“He just wants us to give them to people. Is it really that hard for you to understand?” he asked, about to walk past me but I stopped him, wrapping my fingers around his wrist.

“What did he mean by – at least I know he’s alive?” I nearly growled, the hold on his wrist tightening.

“I don’t know, Alex,” he looked me in the eyes, “we did send that letter, didn’t we? Maybe that’s what he was referring to,” he pulled his hand out of my grasp, put the flyers down on the counter, “at least you could’ve acted like less of an asshole and like you actually have some empathy,” he walked towards the doors to put the flyer up.

\---  
I eyed the doors in front of me, not really wanting to go in there, but knowing that I had to. If not for the sake of everyone around me then for the sake of myself. I was really getting sick of feeling like a crazy hormonal teenager. I liked to be in control and control the situation. Feeling the way I had been for the last week did not go well with me nor with everything else going around.

The pills I had to take were rather rare and you couldn’t find them in every other drug store, they had to be ordered and only the ordered amount will be found in the drug store so when the woman behind the counter said that there had been some problems with the orders and that something had been mixed up my feet went cold. Literally cold. I didn’t know what to do.  
Scream, yell, cry or just nod and leave? I did the latter. She was still trying to say something. Something about the next delivery but I couldn’t be bothered.

I don’t really remember getting back in my car nor do I remember getting back to apartment. I didn’t notice my shaking hands or my twisting insides. I didn’t notice Zack waving to me when I walked past the window of coffee shop or Jaime’s eyes on me.

It all hit me when I closed the doors of our apartment, silence creeping up on me and flaring up my panic. I hadn’t been left without pills for this long since I was nineteen. I didn’t know how to handle myself anymore. Back then I was used to it cause it had never been any different but now it was different.

I made my way to my room, hands sliding along the walls as if it would help me find my way. I was stumbling and tripping over my own legs, my vision blurry because of the unnoticed tears, my hands shaking so much that it took me three tries to get the doors of my room open. I couldn’t breathe, there was not enough air in the room, it felt suffocating, walls too close and only one window with closed curtains, darkening the room and making it feel even more claustrophobic. My head spinning and ears ringing.

I tried to make it to my bed but my legs felt too heavy and uncoordinated. And then my whole body felt too heavy and I couldn’t keep it up, I fell down on the floor, my fingers desperately trying to grasp onto something, to feel something, to make sure that I was still alive and able to see, hear or feel, but there was nothing, just cold hardwood floor, my nails scraping against the wooden surface.

Finally my hand came into a contact with something warmer, something soft and calming, my fingers immediately clutching on it and trying to pull it closer, trying to pull myself closer with the little strength left in my body. Through my blurry consciousness I could feel soft, warm calmness. Maybe I was about to pass out. That would make it all easier.

That was until my breathing started to even out and I realized that my fingers were tightly wrapped around a thin wrist, a hand nervously rubbing my back and unsteady voice quietly saying, “It’s okay, it’s going to be alright.” It was a moment later that my fuzzy brain registered who that voice belonged to. Jack.

“Fuck,” I mumbled, my tongue feeling stiff in my mouth, “off.”

He seemed to not hear me or was just blatantly ignoring me, his touch sending shivers down my nape and back. “It’s okay,” his quiet voice repeated.

I took a deep breath, letting it out a bit shakily and repeated myself, this time louder, “Fuck off,” I shook his hand off my back, releasing my hold of his wrist, “Don’t touch me,” my voice louder than I had anticipated it to be, my brain registering that his hands wasn’t tied and he probably wasn’t wearing the blindfold. I pushed him away with all the strength I could muster, rage building up inside me when I noticed the blindfold loosely hanging around his neck.

I pushed him backwards, my elbow connecting to his ribs and knocking air out of his lungs. He lost his balance and fell backwards, his arms flailing around and trying to catch himself before he hit the ground. His head hit the corner of my bedframe with a crack. I managed to punch him in the stomach a good few times before strong arms were pulling me up and away from Jack’s, what looked to be, unconscious body.

“Let go of me!” I huffed, kicking my legs and trying to get out of the strong hold, “Let go!”

“You’re crazy!” Zack huffed, his hold becoming tighter, his fingers gripping hard enough to leave bruises.

“Ohh!” I whined when my back hit the wall as Zack pushed me against it.

“Stay here and don’t you dare to move,” he said, his face red with anger.

I slid down the wall as Zack left me in the kitchen. I could hear voices behind the doors but couldn’t make out what they were saying.

“Yeah, I’ll stay here,” the doors opened and Vic came in.

Before the doors could close completely I heard Jaime say, “He’s out cold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's late again and i don't really see a point in apalogizing anymore but really it's not all my fault this time....  
> ....  
> kinda....  
> not gonna point fingers at anyone here but someone threw me into Muse slash river and apparently it is my fault i crawled out and got stabbed by Muse on the coast....
> 
> but...enjoy crazy Alex!!!
> 
> -ilovetea


	12. 11:11 P.M.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rian is not okay.

_**Rian**_  
  
‘Thanks,’ I said with a smile, reaching for Jack’s and my drinks. The barista flashed me a polite smile and turned away to take the order from the next people in the queue. I made my way to the closest table and the moment I sat down, the bell above the coffee shop door rang and Jack waltzed in, making a beeline for our table. He sat down opposite me with a serious expression and remained quiet, making my smile drop. ‘Well?’  
  
Jack’s eyes snapped up to look into mine before his face broke into a grin and he let out a laugh. ‘They’ve liked all of my performances so far and told me if I keep this up, they’ll pay me to perform three nights a week,’ he explained, a spark in his eyes and his face unable to control the excitement.  
  
‘If you keep me this stressed out, you might as well try looking for a new best friend because I’ll die of worry,’ I shook my head with an amused sigh but pushed Jack’s cup towards him with a fond smile. ‘That’s great news, buddy.’  
  
‘I mean, they haven’t made a permanent decision yet but I got there expecting them to tell me to never show my face in there ever again, so it went better than expected. Way better,’ Jack said, taking a sip out from his cup.  
  
‘Like they’d ever kick you out. You’re too talented, it would be their loss,’ I said, tasting my own coffee. ‘Dude, this coffee’s actually good. How did you find this place?’ I asked, surprised it didn’t taste as cheap as the place looked.  
  
‘Just wandered in a couple of days ago. The guy serving me -’ he stopped abruptly, leaning to his right to check behind me. I turned my head but nothing seemed out of ordinary so I furrowed my brows. Jack smiled. ‘Sorry man, was just checking if he wasn’t here. Anyway, there was this guy with this odd skull tattoo on his neck, right? It wasn’t amazing but it was sort of adorable. I swear I had seen it before,’ he told me.  
  
‘Did you talk to him?’ I asked, my lips forming a smirk.  
  
‘Nah, my father decided to ruin the day by telling me I had to go over to theirs for dinner to see my mum because otherwise he’d get my other credit card cancelled. He didn’t even say ‘us’, he said ‘your mother’. We might hate one another but he could at least pretend he wants to see me every now and then,’ Jack sighed, rubbing his palms over his face. ‘Sorry, irrelevant. But no, I didn’t talk to him. He looked a little gloomy too so I guess it wasn’t the best day for either of us,’ he shrugged, leaning back on the chair.  
  
‘Ask him out before my surprise birthday party,’ I said with a laugh and Jack rolled his eyes.  
  
‘Not interested. Also, the whole idea behind a surprise party is that you don’t know about it,’ Jack said, a smile finding its way back onto his face.  
  
‘Tough luck, bro. Josh talks too much, blame it all on him,’ I smiled back.  
  
-  
  
When I woke up, I was surprised to find that my hands were draped around the girl from the previous night. With a smile on my face I realized she was still sleeping so I closed my eyes, drifting back to my own dreams for a little longer.  
  
The next time I woke up, I was greeted by something even more surprising. Cass was still lying next to me but this time she was awake and scrolling through something on her phone. When she felt me move, she looked over and with a smile pressed her lips against mine. ‘Good morning,’ she chirped and my heart fluttered.  
  
‘Morning. Breakfast?’ I asked, hesitant. Most girls that came home with me would leave before I woke up, or the moment I’d open my eyes, so I wasn’t sure how I was meant to go about this.  
  
‘Yes, sure!’ Cass replied, still smiling as she reached over the bed to grab her flannel shirt and leggings. I got out of the bed, pulling my jeans on. As I headed for the door, Cass grabbed my hand, making me smile even wider.  
  
Once I had finished making waffles and set three plates down on the table, I made Cass and Jack coffees before pouring myself some water, pretending to be unaware of her eyes staring at my shirtless back. ‘Jack,’ I called out, sitting down next to Cass with a smile.  
  
‘So, do the two of you rent the house?’ Cass asked, cutting up her food and taking a bite.  
  
‘Uh, no. We actually own it. Well, technically Jack bought it, but he made me sign the contract so it’s on my name,’ I told her.  
  
‘That’s so sweet! How long have you been living together?’ she asked.  
  
‘Nearly five years now,’ I admitted and she broke into a smile.  
  
‘You’re practically married!’ she squealed and I choked on the piece I was chewing. ‘Kidding, kidding, I just think it’s awesome that you haven’t annoyed one another to the point of a breakdown yet! I would,’ she giggled.  
  
‘I guess,’ I admitted with the same wide smile that had been gracing my lips all morning before I realized I hadn’t heard any movement from upstairs yet. ‘On that note, excuse me, I’ve got to wake that alcoholic up,’ I said as I got up, walking past my room and grabbing my shirt before going up the stairs to Jack’s room.  
  
As soon as I saw that his doors were wide open I couldn’t help the unsettling feeling that washed over me. I knew he wouldn’t be in his room and once I looked in, my thoughts were confirmed. He had told me he’d be walking home after another drink, so where had he gone to?  
  
I made my way downstairs and Cass looked up with shiny eyes so I returned her smile before reaching for my phone. I had no messages from Jack so I dialled his number, pressing the phone against my ear. It was silent for a while before a female’s voice came through, _‘The mobile number you have called is currently unavailable.’_ I frowned at my phone and Cass seemed to catch up because she tilted her head and asked me what was wrong.  
  
‘Just, uh, Jack. He doesn’t usually switch his phone off. It must’ve died,’ I said, still frowning.  
  
-  
  
The more time passed, the more worried I got. It was now Sunday afternoon and I still hadn’t heard back from Jack. Cass had offered me to go to hers but I didn’t want to leave the house in case Jack came back, so she went home to get her laptop and charger before returning to keep me company. I appreciated her staying with me because without her presence I would’ve gone mad already.  
  
I tried to trick myself into thinking that Jack would probably show up soon but as minutes passed in silence, I knew something was wrong. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I called all of our mutual friends. Josh and Tyler decided to come over to keep me calm and go with me to the police station if it was necessary. Cass and the boys tried to figure out where exactly Jack could’ve gone to while I stared at the door, just hoping I’d see it open.  
  
With a sigh, I realized that I only really had one more choice. I entered Bassam’s number into my phone and pressed the call button, anxiously waiting for Jack’s father to pick up.  
  
‘Hello, Bassam Barakat speaking,’ his cold voice rang through the phone.  
  
‘Um, hello Mr Barakat, it’s Rian calling,’ I said, playing with the hem of my shirt.  
  
‘Rian?’ he asked and I rolled my eyes because of course he wouldn’t recognize his son’s best friend.  
  
‘Rian Dawson, Jack’s friend? I was just wondering if you had seen him at all since Friday?’ I asked, heart beating faster in the hope of hearing a yes.  
  
‘No,’ he replied curtly, still in the same cold tone and my heart shattered.  
  
‘You see, Mr Barakat, I think Jack’s missing. His phone is off and no one’s seen or heard from him,’ I explained in the phone.  
  
‘He’s fine. Knowing Jack he’s most likely in a random stranger’s bed right now,’ Bassam’s voice said, sounding uninterested before the line went dead.  
  
Knowing Jack? He didn’t know anything about his son. I had to take a deep breath so that I wouldn’t punch the wall in anger. Josh looked at me, worry in his eyes and I sighed. ‘We need to go over to his parents and get Joyce,’ I muttered and Josh nodded, immediately getting up.  
  
-  
  
‘He’s missing!?’ Joyce exclaimed, her eyes widening and face going pale.  
  
‘I’m sorry, Joyce, I’ve tried everything. His phone is off and none of our friends know where he is. We tried tracking his phone but we found nothing. We checked the bar but the owner said Jack had left an hour after me. No one else has seen him,’ I explained, my chest aching as I told her the news.  
  
‘We have to call the police now!’ Jack’s mum said, leaping from the sofa and reaching for her phone immediately. ‘Bassam, come here!’ she shouted.  
  
Seconds later the figure of Jack’s father came through the door and the moment his eyes met mine, his face seemed to change into annoyance. ‘What do you want?’ he asked me but Joyce had already walked over to him, holding her phone out for him.  
  
‘Jack’s been missing since Saturday morning, his friends haven’t been able to find him! We have to call the police!’ she rushed out and I could see Bassam throw me a cold look.  
  
‘Honey, I’m sure Jack’s alright. You know him, he’s one for…wandering around,’ he said and the way he grimaced made me want to break his nose. However, it seemed I wasn’t the only person done with his attitude.  
  
‘I don’t care what you think Jack’s doing, if Rian says they haven’t been able to contact my boy for days then I want to know what’s wrong!’ Joyce exclaimed and Bassam paled. Under Joyce’s angry gaze he had no choice but to reach for the phone and with a defeated sigh he dialled the police.  
  
I couldn’t even feel satisfied because the whole situation was making me sick.  
  
-  
  
I woke with a yawn, hands wrapped around Cass’ small figure. I blinked a couple of times, trying to adjust to the dim light. It was still early morning, and it was my birthday. I wasn’t excited.  
  
After having a breakdown in front of Josh about all of the guilt I had been holding inside of me about leaving Jack on his own we had decided to postpone my birthday party to when Jack returned. I had almost said if but Josh gave me this look and I choked on the word before it left my mouth.  
  
I reached for the phone to check the time and almost immediately my heart skipped a beat. I had a missed call from an unknown number. I quickly untangled myself from Cass’ sleeping form and unlocked my phone, going into my voice messages. With anxiety building up, I pressed play and waited for the message to start.  
  
‘Uh. Hey, bud.’  
  
My heart started beating frantically. Hearing Jack’s voice instantly woke me up and in a second I was out of the bed, reaching for my clothes.  
  
‘Um. Happy Birthday. I… Well, I guess you know I’m in a bit of trouble at the moment. I totally blame this on you taking my car by the way,’ he laughed a little and guilt washed over me again.  
  
‘Nah, I don’t. All my fault. Anyway. I was allowed to record this to tell you I’m fine and still very much alive. Things could be better and sleeping on the floor fucking sucks but I haven’t lost any of my limbs yet so that’s great. I think I might actually survive this,’ he said quietly. I reached over and shook Cass’ shoulder. She opened her eyes slowly and looked over at me, then at the phone. The moment she realized what was happening, she was up as well, throwing her clothes on.  
  
‘Um. I hope the date went well. If it didn’t, sorry I wasn’t there with my great counselling skills the morning after. Got caught up. Thanks for pressuring my father into acknowledging I’m actually, well, taken. I know he wouldn’t be on the news if it wasn’t for you. So, yeah, uh, I think that’s all I can really give you right now. I love you, bro. Hope you have a great birthday and don’t worry about me for a while. Enjoy the time you have off. See you,’ he finished and I felt like throwing up. Cass took my hand and gave me a quick hug before we made our way out of the house and to the police station. Despite the message having no specific details, I had been asked to inform them in case something came up so that was exactly what I was going to do.  
  
-  
  
The weekend passed at an almost painfully slow pace. I didn’t let my phone out of my sight in the hopes of getting another message from Jack. The police, while trying to be helpful, had found nothing and I couldn’t help but feel angry because they were meant to be the professionals. How come they couldn’t find anything on where my friend could be, even after a week had passed?  
  
Josh saw my mental state getting worse so together with Cass they printed out some missing person flyers, using the picture I had taken of Jack strumming his guitar in our living room. When Monday came, Cass practically dragged me out of the house, telling me Josh would call if Jack suddenly showed up so I needn’t worry. While annoyed, I knew she was right and there was no point in me sitting in the house drowning in guilt when I could be out, doing as much as I could to try and find Jack.  
  
We made a list of places to go to, places I knew Jack visited every now and then, and then were on our way. We started off in the pub that Jack played his gigs at but the owner seemed just as clueless as us, only aware of the situation because of what had been shown on the TV. After that, we stopped at a grocery shop, a Starbucks, went through the small park not too far from our house and after around three hours of walking around, we had handed out flyers to pretty much everyone we had met while walking around Fell’s Point.  
  
We were walking down Thames Street when I looked up and saw the café that Jack and I had been to a few times in the past month. We had fifteen flyers left so with a shrug, I tugged at Cass’ hand and pulled her inside the coffee shop. Like most Monday afternoons the place was swarming with people yet thankfully most of them were already sat by their tables. There were two guys behind the counter, one that I had seen before and the other one someone new. He was still writing something on the cup when I cleared my throat and he automatically asked me what he could get for me.  
  
‘Uh, um, actually I was wondering if you could put some of those flyers up?’ I asked, scratching the back of my head.  
  
The guy’s head snapped up and hazel eyes looked into mine. He furrowed his brows and looked at the flyers in my hand. ‘No,’ he replied with a shrug and went back to writing something in his notebook.  
  
‘Excuse me?’ I asked, shocked at the dismissal. No one had refused me yet and I definitely hadn’t expected this – Alex, as his nametag read – guy to be the first one to do so.  
  
‘We’re a coffee shop, not a police station. Are you ordering anything because if not then please step aside,’ he said nonchalantly.  
  
‘Yes, can I get a large cappuccino to go, and a ‘why are you such a jerk’ would be nice, too,’ Cass butted in with a casual smile and I had never wanted to kiss her as much as that exact moment. The guy frowned and was about to say something when the other guy behind the counter slipped in front of him.  
  
‘Alex, make that cappuccino. Can I help you?’ he – Zack, apparently – asked me politely after pushing Alex away.  
  
‘Yeah, just…We’ve got a couple of flyers we’ve been trying to hand out all morning and I was just wondering if you could put some of them up in here?’ I explained again.  
  
From behind Zack I could hear Alex huff yet Zack smiled and nodded, ‘Sure.’ I handed him all of the flyers I had left and he examined them before looking up at me, ‘I’ll put one up by the door in a second and hand the rest of them out later, alright? Hope you find your friend,’ he smiled.  
  
I heard Alex mutter a ‘that’s what the police is for’ but managed to force a smile as well. ‘So do I. At least I know he’s alive, I just have to find him now,’ I told Zack and after Cass got her coffee, we turned to leave. A few steps away from the counter I heard Cass say something but when I turned to look, I saw her behind me with a smile. I sighed and squeezed her hand as we left the coffee shop.  
  
-  
  
It was Wednesday afternoon when I got a call from Joyce. I picked it up immediately, Cass and Josh going quiet the second they realized it was serious.  
  
‘He what? Oh my God,’ I shouted into the phone, trying to take a deep breath to calm down. ‘We’ll be over in twenty,’ I said before hanging up. Cass looked at me expectantly but I just shook my head. ‘We need to go to the Barakats. Now.’  
  
Fifteen minutes later we pulled up outside their house and in moments I was at their door, knocking loudly. To my surprise it was actually Bassam who opened the door so in seconds I had him by his collar and pressed against the wall.  
  
‘Rian!’ I heard Joyce and Cass exclaim at the same time but I didn’t let go.  
  
‘I’ve always known you don’t care about Jack but ignoring a ransom letter? That’s low. That’s fucking messed up. If he dies, you’ll be responsible for his death,’ I snarled before letting go. I turned away immediately and marched into the living room where Joyce stood, still shocked at my outburst. ‘Where’s the photo?’ I asked immediately and she pointed at the table by the sofa. I stalked over to it and picked it up with trembling hands.  
  
I almost wished I hadn’t. A wave of nausea hit me and I choked out a quiet sob. The photo showed Jack lying on the floor with a small pool of blood right by his head. His hair was messy and sticking in all directions, his cheeks pale and thinner than I remembered and there were some cuts on his face that had already healed a little. There was no question - he was definitely unconscious in the photo and with the amount of blood behind his head I knew that the blow had been hard.  
  
I thought back to the voice message he had left me and the pain in my chest became unbearable. I had been so immersed in the idea that Jack was alive that I forgot to fear the fact that his life could be taken away any moment his captors – kidnappers, I guessed – decided to hurt him. I was disgusted by the fact that Bassam had just decided to ignore the first ransom letter he had received; perhaps if we had acknowledged it on media, Jack’s captors wouldn’t have hurt him to prove their point to us. My head felt fuzzy and I sat on the sofa, staring at the photo. He looked so broken.  
  
I was subconsciously aware of Cass asking Joyce to call the police and walking over to me. Josh followed her and I knew he had seen the photo the moment I heard a sharp inhale. I looked over at him and his eyes were already teary but he quickly swallowed the sob that was about to leave his mouth and instead sat down next to me and Cass. At that moment every single person in the room was quiet, unable to process what had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...i actually take the blame. i sent ilovetea a link to wicked, a muse fic, and it ruined her life. oops, whatever.
> 
> hope you enjoyed this little chapter from ri's pov. now let's hope ilovetea doesn't stare at howard's butt for another month before posting the next chapter (she probably will). (but i can't blame her). (i'll be here staring at pictures of kennedy brock).
> 
> oh and / ilovetea: 'he had told me he’d be walking home after another drink, so where had he gone to?' - yeah...hes with that guy you wanted him to ask out. just under different circumstances. / i died.
> 
> guilty x


	13. A Beautiful Lie

**_Jaime_ **

“Close the shop and come upstairs,” Zack said, words rushing out with a panic added to them.

Those were not the words I had expected to hear from him when he went upstairs to get Alex ten minutes ago. If anything I had expected him to return with grumpy Alex following him, whispered curses falling from his lips.

“What’s wrong?” I asked back in a whisper, finishing filling the cup with the steaming liquid.

“Just close the shop,” he said and went off to the few people sitting at the tables, apologizing to them with a smile and leading them to the doors. I gave away the last cup as Zack left the shop and went back up. This must have had something to do with Alex and it couldn’t be good. We had never needed to close the coffee shop because of anything before. And Zack looked stressed.

I locked the doors and turned off all the lights, checking if the coffee machine was turned off before I left the shop to climb up the stairs to the apartment. I didn’t know what I had expected to see or hear but it definitely wasn’t the unsettling silence in the apartment. Once I closed the doors Zack’s head showed up from Alex’s room. He looked pale.Vic was standing outside the room in the hallway, looking like he would get sick if asked to go in the room.

“What’s wrong? Did Alex die or something?” I laughed awkwardly, but got cold stares back from both of them.

“No, but Jack might,” Zack started but got a death glare from Vic, “Okay, I don’t know how serious it is or not so I wanted you to take a look at it. You know more about that stuff than we do. Plus Vic might get sick because of the blood.”

“Yeah, I’ll stay here,” he said, pushing the kitchen doors open and quickly slipping into the kitchen and out of the hall.

I looked at the spot Vic had just been standing in, feeling confused, “so…what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Zack said turning around to walk into Alex’s room, “I came up here to get Alex but he was kicking and punching Jack who already looked unconscious.”

I walked in after him to see Jack lying on the floor by Alex’s bed, blood forming a small pool by his head. “Maybe Vic will get something out of him. By the look on his face I’d say he might’ve had a panic attack or something. He had been crying and you know how he gets then but that is not an excuse to nearly kill Jack,” Zack paused to look at me, “he’s not dead already, is he?” he asked in a whisper.

“Take a picture,” I said without thinking.

He looked at with wide eyes, mouth slightly open, “What?” he finally got out.

“Take a picture!” I repeated myself, taking a step closer to Jack’s body to take a better look at him, “We didn’t get any reaction out of his parents with that letter so we might send a picture with the next one. Or just keep it for later if we need it.”

“Not bad,” Zack said in a voice that sounded a bit broken and left the room.

I hadn’t known about Alex’s anger problem until a year after I had moved into this apartment and I was sure no one would’ve told me anything if that bottle of pills hadn’t fallen right into my hands. It happened by accident whilst I was looking for some aspirin and the bottle of Alex’s pills fell off the shelf. I asked Vic about it and only then I found out that if not for the pills Alex could kill all of us. Not on purpose. No. The only problem was that when he had one of his episodes he completely blacked out and didn’t control himself anymore. The prime example right here in the form of Jack’s unconscious body.

At first I had just thought that Alex was a control freak, the way he always stuck to his routine and wanted us to do the same but after getting all the information from Vic and reading the materials I found online, I understood the reasons behind it. That helped him. Along with the pills, of course. He should’ve been attending weekly therapy sessions but according to Vic he never had and most likely never would. He’s too good for that.

“Here,” Zack came back with his camera in his hands.

“You do it,” I shook my head when he tried to put it in my hands, “you’re the one who likes photography.”

“Not the one with unconscious bodies,” he grumbled but took the picture anyway. More than one, actually. He took at least ten, all from different angles. Whilst he was at it I went to the bathroom to get something to clean the blood away so I could see how serious it was.

“Can you roll him over so I can have a look?” I asked Zack, giving a small nod towards Jack’s limp body, the blood pouring from the right side of his head. It could be nothing because a lot of small blood vessels are located close to the surface of facial skin and head. It could be nothing more than a scratch. It could be. But my instinct said that it was not. He wouldn’t be unconscious if it was just a scratch. It wouldn’t be Alex’s doing if Jack was left conscious.

I was proven right when after having cleaned the cut as much as I possibly could the blood was still seeping through. “He’ll need stitches,” I said, looking up at Zack.

“We can’t take him to hospital,” he replied, his eyes on Jack.

I pressed the gauze to the wound to slow down the blood flow, “Get me the smallest needle we have here,” I told him, ignoring the blood that was covering my fingers, “alcohol and a thread, silk would be good.”

Zack looked at me dumbfounded, “A silk thread? You think we’re some kind of housewives from late fifties?”

I guess he was right. He could be able to find a needle in this apartment but definitely not a silk thread, “Fishing line. That could work,” I looked up at him, “You have some left? From last summer?”

“I…yeah, I think so,” he scratched his head, “okay, I’ll get that,” he turned to leave the room but then stopped, “What kind of alcohol?”

“Wine,” I said, almost starting to laugh at his facial expression, “Vodka, of course. Or tequila but we don’t have that, right?”

“Right, yeah. Okay,” he left the room to get the listed items.

Jack did not look good. He had looked miserable before this and he hadn’t eaten much so it really wasn’t that surprising he was unconscious now. Maybe Alex didn’t even hit him that hard. I would’ve liked to think that but the memories of how he had jumped at the opportunity to beat Jack when we took him were too vivid.

“Okay. I think I got everything,” Zack said, pushing the doors closed with his foot, “I don’t know about this needle,” he gave it to me. It could’ve been smaller, “It was the smallest I could find,” he said as if he had heard what I had been thinking, his tone apologetic.

“No, it’s fine. As long as we stop the bleeding,” I muttered and got to work.

Cleaning the wound with the alcohol Zack had picked up was the easiest part and the one that required the least of precision. “How bad is it?” Zack asked, avoiding looking directly at the wound.

“You’re asking me that like I’m a doctor,” I smiled, taking the needle and the fishing line, “cut this for me?” I asked, showing him where to cut it.

Once I got to the part which included me piercing Jack’s skin with the needle, Zack let out a groan, sitting down on the edge of Alex’s bed and hiding his face behind his hands, “Come on, you can watch ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ but you can’t handle this?” I asked him without looking up, my voice lacking the usual cheeriness.

“Shut up, this is horrible,” he grumbled, face still hidden.

“It’s not the worst,” I answered, focusing only on the stitches, “has Vic gotten something from Alex?”

“Didn’t get to ask, Vic literally kicked me out of the kitchen once I got the bottle,” Zack finally looked up, hearing me put down the needle and pick up the bottle, “He looks like shit. Has for the last couple of days.”

“You mean the last couple of days when he was actually here? He’ll need a gauze anyway,” I said, referring to Jack.

“Yeah, those last days,” Zack stood up and left the room again.

I dabbed at the wound with a washcloth soaked in alcohol, feeling pretty satisfied with my work. Bleeding had stopped and that was the most important thing. For now. “I really do feel bad for you,” I whispered, looking at Jack’s closed eyes. He didn’t deserve to be here. Why did we even agree to this plan? Was it because deep down we were all scared of Alex? Maybe that was the case for me. Maybe even for Vic but Zack? Zack was the only one who could actually stand up for himself in front of Alex and not get his nose broken. Why did he do this?

\---  
“Someone needs to stay with Jack tonight,” Vic told the two of us later that evening, “Alex will stay on the couch,” he added when I was about to open my mouth and ask about that.

“I can stay,” Zack quickly said, “that way I’ll be able to stop Alex if he tries to do anything at night.”

Vic and I looked at each other, “Zack, he’s not going to try and sneak into the room to kill Jack or something. You two were like best friends before all this started.”

“Yeah, well, he needs to get over himself and deal with his problems like an adult and stop acting like a bratty fifteen year old,” he spat, looking down at his glass that was filled with vodka.

The kitchen stayed silent after that. I understood that it wasn’t all Alex’s fault and we could’ve stopped this any time but his anger problem was out of our control. It looked like lately it had been out of his control as well.

“He didn’t get the pills today,” Vic said, breaking the silence.

Zack groaned, pushing the glass away and rubbing his face with his palms, “So we all have to keep suffering.”

“You’re not the only one suffering,” Vic said angrily.

“That’s why I said ‘we’.”

“I meant Alex. You think it’s easy for him?” he took the glass away from Zack and poured the alcohol in sink, “Go sleep,” he said leaving us alone in the kitchen.

\---  
The next morning I found myself wandering in to the living room, my eyes falling on Alex’s sleeping form. He was curled up in a small ball, his knees pulled up to his chest, his face turned to the back of the couch. He looked young and vulnerable like this. Like you’d just want to pull the covers tighter around his body, let him sleep and protect him from all the problems in the world.

“Morning,” Vic greeted me, walking out of the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

“He’s sleeping?” I asked pointing my finger to Alex.

“He’s not,” before Vic could answer, Alex’s scratchy reply came from where his face was pressed between the pillow and couch.

The next thirty minutes were spent making a quick breakfast and eating it in the kitchen. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in the living room with Alex and Vic. I definitely didn’t want to experience the moment Zack walked in there. That was going to be awkward.

“Hey, come here for a bit?” Vic’s head popped into the kitchen. I nodded at him and got up, leaving my plate on the table. I’ll clean that up later.

When I entered the living room I was surprised to see Zack there, sitting in one of the armchairs. Alex was up as well, sitting at the far end of the couch, his chin resting on his knees that were pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs.

“What’s this about?” I asked, going to sit on the couch since Alex was occupying barely any of it.

“He’s still out,” Zack said, not looking at anyone in particular. I threw a quick glance at Alex. He looked miserable, his eyes boring into the floor. He looked tense but at the same time his face gave away no emotions.

“How long is it…normal to be out after head injury?” Vic asked.

“It’s not good. He should be in hospital,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands in my lap. I had expected Alex to say something but to my surprise he stayed silent.

Zack sighed rubbing his forehead, “He was out for like two days when we…got him here so…this shouldn’t be…that much different, right?” he said hopefully but we all knew it was different. Last time Jack was out, he didn’t need stitches to stop the bleeding.

“What if he doesn’t wake up?” Vic’s voice came as a whisper.

“Have you tried giving him smelling salt?” Alex asked, his voice quiet and sounding tired. All of us looked at him, shock and surprise on all our faces. If anyone would’ve suggested anything I was not expecting it to be Alex. “You know…that thing they give you in hospitals or doctor’s office when…”

“I know what you mean but that’s mostly used for fainting,” Zack interrupted him, my body tensing, expecting Alex to raise his voice at Zack.

“Mostly. But it’s not said that it wouldn’t help if you tried,” he said in the same quiet voice.

I furrowed my eyebrows at that. What he was saying could help but the way he said that. This was not the Alex we knew. What had happened to him during the night? I looked over at Vic who had nearly the same expression on his face.

“Okay, I’ll go get that,” Zack said and stood up, “Let’s just hope they’ll sell it without a receipt or anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really don't know what to say.. i just really like this and they're all confusing but that's the best part about this!! right???!
> 
> -ilovetea


	14. Fluffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is great except for when it's not.

**_Jack_ **   
  


The black abyss in front of me was pulling me in and I willingly stepped forward, reaching my hand out. The abyss was in the vague form of a human being and while I was overcome by the strangest sensation of familiarity I didn’t know who the figure belonged to. Despite being terrified of it, I let it grab me as I stumbled over my feet and crushed right into it, right through it, and then I was falling, my limbs everywhere, fingertips attempting to touch something that I could cling to.  
  
‘Jack? Jack!?’ my eyes flew open.  
  
I was on the ground, my hands somewhat wet and my shirt sticking to me. William was crouching next to me, his eyes wide and concerned and his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly. I opened my mouth to speak, only to find that my mouth felt like I had been eating only rice cakes for weeks. I bit the tip of my tongue and then swallowed the small amount of spit that had gathered in my mouth, thankful for the tasteless wetness as long as I could speak. ‘Alex?’ I cracked, and the man’s brows furrowed before I mimicked his expression. The voice that had left my lips wasn’t mine – it was one that belonged to Z. _Alex._  
  
Alex tilted his head, a dark glow in his eyes, like he could see what I was thinking. His strangely shaped skull tattoo came into the view, and I choked on the blood that was suddenly filling up my mouth. ‘Alex!’ He didn’t give me time to spit it out before he was pinning my wrists to the ground as I coughed on the blood that was coming up from within me. _Coffee shop. Tattoo._ Alex. _Alex._ The man growled and his hands wrapped around my neck. I stared at him in panic, tears running down the side of my face and blood dripping from my mouth as his veins turned black and his fingers crushed my throat. The jet-black colour spread from his veins and over his skin. I closed my eyes, not wanting to witness his iris turning black.  
  
Suddenly air rushed into my lungs and my mouth tasted like mint, no trace of blood on my tongue. I opened my eyes to find myself on the living room sofa, Rian sitting cross-legged on the ground in front of me, my guitar in his hands as he attempted to tune it. I furrowed my brows and sat up, only to regret the decision when pain shot through my head. I let out a whimper and Rian looked up, letting out a laugh. I took the palm of my hand away from my eyes to look at my best friend, confused as to what was happening. Hadn’t I just been comforting William? How was I home? Why was Rian laughing? ‘There’s aspirin on the table, dude. Based on how drunk you were I wouldn’t be surprised if that doesn’t help you with the hangover.’  
  
I must’ve visibly paled because suddenly Rian’s eyes widened and he was by my side, a paper bag in his hands. ‘Don’t you dare puke on the floor again, I already had to clean up once.’  
  
‘I’m not going to throw up, Ri. I just… How am I here?’ I asked, rubbing my forehead.  
  
‘Well, I can only answer half of that question. You stumbled into my room and scared Cass before puking on my floor and passing out. I took you up to your room and you were out cold, but this morning I found you on the sofa, so I was thinking you’d be the one to explain how you got here,’ Rian finished, flashing me a smile. I didn’t remember any of that.  
  
‘Cass?’ I asked him.  
  
‘Yeah. You know, the girl I met at the bar yesterday? She thought someone was breaking in, and, no offence, you still look just as crap as you did when that happened, so you might want to take a shower before I make you breakfast. Her first impression of you wasn’t that great,’ Ri grinned, ruffling my hair before getting up and walking to the kitchen.  
  
I stared at the aspirin in front of me for a second before picking it up and popping it into my mouth, swallowing the pill dry. Had it all been a dream? I looked at my wrists and there was no trace of the bruises the handcuffs had left on my skin before. I got up from the sofa, feeling somewhat numb as I made my way to the bathroom. Once the clothes were off and the warm water had touched my skin, I let out a content sigh. It felt almost purifying. There was an urge in the back of my mind, nagging at my consciousness, so I grabbed the soap and started scrubbing my skin, wanting to get rid of whatever dirt was there. My stomach felt itchy so I scrubbed as much as I could, only stopping when my skin turned red. What was I doing?  
  
As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. ‘What is it, Ri?’ I shouted, squirting a dab of shampoo on my palm. 'Ri?' I asked again, popping my head around the corner of the curtain, massaging the shampoo into my scalp with one hand, only to be greeted by an empty bathroom. I was about to pull the curtain shut when I heard another knock. ‘Come in!’ I shouted at the door but the door handle didn’t move. Instead, my words were followed by another short string of knocks. I frowned, annoyed, but decided to ignore Rian. It took another eight knocks before I finally lost it, pulling the curtain open again. Rian knew how wary I was of the sound of knocking. However, this time the door was open but there wasn’t anyone there.  
  
Another knock.  
  
And another one.  
  
My hands started trembling.  
  
The knocks slowly turned into banging, angry fists colliding with a wall around me. The noises were making my heart jump and I felt ill. ‘Rian!?’ I shouted again, desperate for my friend.  
  
The lights went out and suddenly there were more fists banging inside my head, accompanied with voices shouting at me. I took a step back and let myself slide down the wall of the shower, curling up in the corner and hiding my head between my legs. Dad’s voice. Rian’s. Josh’s. Ron’s. William’s.  
  
_William?_  
  
A pair of hands grabbed my waist and pulled me backwards.  
  
With a scream I jumped up, my whole body trembling, before I fell back onto the bed. My legs were tangled in the sheets and I couldn’t get out, no matter how hard I tried to kick the blanket away from me. When I finally managed to free myself from the white bedsheet, I wasted no time getting out of the bed, afraid of something grabbing me and pulling me inside the mattress. My legs couldn’t hold me up so I fell onto the ground, my knee hitting the floor painfully but I didn’t feel it because of the adrenaline in my system. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it could jump out through my throat.  
  
That’s when I slowly became aware of the pain again. My mouth was dry and tasted of iron. My head was pulsing, seemingly following my heartbeat, but each beat sent a shooting pain down my scalp and temples. The horrid pain made me reach out with my fingers, only to find a bandage around my head. The light touch made me wince and I tried to pull the bandage off, my fingers betraying me. I couldn’t control my hands and the grip wasn’t strong enough for me to pull the bandage off.  
  
My knee started aching and I realized I was sitting in a somewhat awkward position, my ankle almost twisted beneath me. I pulled my legs out and in front of me before crawling backwards, away from the bed until I could feel a wall behind me. The realization that something could reach out and grab me again made me sick but I couldn’t stand up and I needed to calm down somehow.  
  
The pain wasn’t constant but every pulse was so sharp it made my skin hurt, like a knife was cutting me up everywhere at once. I reached for the bandage again, this time managing to peel it off. Pulling it off hurt, and my eyes filled with bitter tears as I stared down at the bloody gauze in my hands. Peeling off the bandage had also opened up the side of whatever bruise I had on my head so I could feel fresh blood slowly trickling down the side of my face.  
  
The burn of the cold hands in my dream were still on my waist, and with that memory everything stopped. I dropped the bandage and pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around my legs.  
  
‘Jack!’ Z’s voice made me look up. His scarf was tightly around his mouth, hiding from me what I had already seen anyway. How foolish could they be to think I hadn’t seen him run in? Did William think I hadn’t seen him, too? Then again, that was all I was to them, wasn’t I? A way out, an object. They thought that just because I was in their house, under their surveillance, I couldn’t fight back. I could, alright.  
  
Wait. Why did I have to fight them?  
  
I stared at Z blankly as he crouched down in front of me, his fingers softly turning my face so he could look at whatever injury was on my head in concern. I let him, dropping my hands by my sides and staring at the clock above the door instead, watching the time tick. ‘Why did you pull the bandage off?...Jack?’ Z pulled back when I didn’t reply and out of the corner of my eye I could see him frowning at me.  
  
There was a figure in the doorway, messy hair and curious eyes. It was obvious he had been lurking in the corner for quite some time before making an appearance, curiosity getting the best of him. I looked down from the clock and there he was, the cause of my problems, looking at me as if I was there for his entertainment, despite his somewhat falsely sympathetic eyes. That was all for a show, I knew better than to trust his pretence worry.  
  
Why was Ronnie here?  
  
‘Jack?’ Z repeated and I glanced at him blankly before looking back up at the clock. The pain in my head was still pulsating and I knew the best thing I could do was switch myself off from the world until I was numb, so I did just that. William…Alex disappeared from the doorway after Z muttered something and then his fingers were back, combing my hair away from my temple. Alex returned, handing Z a clean bandage. He stood above me, blocking my view of the clock, as if to see what I would do, so to spite him I let my eyes bore into his without blinking. Once he tilted his head, I dropped my gaze to stare at the space in front of me instead while Z wrapped the bandage around my head. When he secured the ends of the gauze, he offered me a pill but since I wasn’t moving he frowned up at Alex. The other man kneeled in front of me and took the pill from Z before pushing it between my lips. I opened my mouth a little, letting the pill slip in. Alex’s hand returned a moment later, pressing a bottle of water against my lips. I didn’t take it in my hands, instead tilting my head back a little to swallow a gulp. He looked intrigued and despite the foolishness of those thoughts, it made me feel accomplished, like I had subconsciously gone pliant to gain praise from him.  
  
No.  
  
I wrapped my arms around my knees again, dropping my gaze to the floor, allowing everything else around me to become blurry. I heard the buzz of Z’s voice but my focus was gone. His hand rested on my shoulder and I wanted nothing less than to shrug it off but I sat frozen, counting the darker spots on the linoleum in front of me instead.  
  
That’s what it turned into then. A blur. My body was frozen. I was mildly aware of the fact the light in the room was changing from sunlight white to dim yellow, I was aware of raised voices from outside the room and the empty space around me, I was aware of a pair of hands trying to pick me up but my limbs wouldn’t move. I glanced up then, seeing James’ face in front of mine before my eyes trailed to see Alex on his bed, the same curious expression on his face as he stared at me, although this time there was a trace of amusement on his features. Keeping the eye contact, I used whatever I had left of my strength to push myself away from the wall by the bed and into what had become my corner, right by the heater. Alex raised his eyebrow at me but I dropped my gaze again, hoping they were going to leave me alone. There was yet another exchange of words before a pair of hands cuffed my wrists behind me hesitantly.  
  
And once again time became a non-existent concept. I stared at the floor until my eyes started closing on their own accord. I wasn’t tired.  
  
Hadn’t I just been at Rian’s? Why was my head so fuzzy? I wanted Alex to help me. Who was Alex? Why was I feeling so ill?  
  
I gagged.  
  
Oh, no.  
  
Was blood coming up again? Was I about to die? I whimpered, trying to keep the liquid down. Was I bleeding inside? My heartbeat sped up, accompanied with panic as I tried to gasp for air without letting the blood run in my mouth.  
  
And then there were the same cold hands forcing my legs down from in front of me, like they were about to drag me away. So I tried to fight by struggling out of the grip, hoping to land a kick, but a black bucket was pushed into my lap and before I could shake it off I was gagging again and the burn in my throat forced tears out from my eyes as I threw up, sweat trickling from my forehead. My body kept jerking as I puked inside the bucket and the headache in my head became obvious again, my head feeling like it was about to be split open. I clutched to the side of the heater behind me to keep myself from falling forward, the cuffs cutting into my skin much like they had before.  
  
Oh.  
  
Panic attack. He pushed me.  
  
My head was bleeding. How long was I out for? Fuck.  
  
They were the guys from the coffee shop.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone's alive. i'm still in love with kennedy. what else is new? -guilty x


	15. Freaking Me Out

_**Alex** _

My whole body felt heavy and tired, eyelids fluttering, fighting to stay open, eyes burning from the lack of sleep. It’s not like I hadn’t been sleeping. I had. In fact, I had been sleeping most of the past few days, only awake for a couple of hours a day but it seemed to do nothing. It almost felt like I had taken a blow to my own head.

Zack was still being painfully annoying, barely letting me in my own room to change or get my laptop or charger. He acted as if I was a wild animal who couldn’t be trusted. Did he really think I would strangle Jack, or even try to? I could see how bad Jack looked and, even though it was the least of my worries, the state he was in wasn’t the best. Not for him, not for us.

I was curled up on the couch, my face turned to the back of it and my eyes boring into its plain fabric. Sometimes I would hear noises around me, words being exchanged, someone’s phone ringing, but during the last few days I had learned to tune them all out which proved to be a useful skill since I practically felt like I was living in a metro station where anybody could pass through at any given moment. I once caught Vic saying to Zack that maybe he should allow me back into my room. That was the only time I actually paid any attention to their conversations. Obviously Zack had refused since I was still camping on the living room couch.

“Will you pick up your damn phone!” Zack nearly yelled right next to me, bringing me back to reality and making me realize that the ringing phone, I’d acknowledged before, was mine.

I blinked a few times, my eyes coming back into focus and turned on my back, scanning the room for my phone. I noticed Zack siting in one of the chairs, his eyes following my every move. I finally saw my phone on the coffee table practically hidden under some magazine. I reached for it and saw an unknown number lighting up my screen. My heart skipped a beat or two but I answered in nonetheless with an unsure ‘Hello’.

It was the drug store lady, “We found your phone number in one of the old receipts here. We’ve had a delivery and the drugs you needed are here as well. If you still need them I can save them for you or if you can come in today…”

“Yeah, I…” my voice broke since I hadn’t actually used it the past few days, “I can come in today. In an hour or so,” I told her and felt Zack’s eyes burning holes in my skin. I put my phone back on the table and stood up to go and change. I had been all but living in the sweat pants and hoodie I was currently wearing so it was not the best idea to leave the house with the same clothes on.

“Where are you going?” Zack asked from behind me and I could already hear him throwing the magazine he’d been reading aside and standing up to follow me.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, “I need to change,” was my only answer. I pushed the doors to my room open and stepped inside, my eyes immediately falling to Jack’s sleeping (or unconscious would be a more correct word) form on my bed, head propped up by two pillows and blankets thrown over his long limbs. He looked pale and not just from the lack of sun. He looked sickly pale and his dark hair only made it worse.

“Don’t you think two pillows is too much?” I asked, walking over to my dresser and opening the top drawer and pulling out a clean pair of jeans.

“Why? You probably want him to have zero pillows and he should preferably be on the floor as well, right?” Zack scoffed from where he was standing by the doors.

“No,” I answered, pulling down the sweats and replacing them with light colored jeans, “I just think that maybe it’s not the best for his head. I don’t know,” I shrugged and found a clean t-shirt and another hoodie to replace the one that had almost become my second skin.

“So now you care, huh? You know, maybe Jaime and Vic are buying it but I’m not. I know you better and you don’t really care about what’s happening to Jack. You just want the money,” I heard Zack say but I refused to look at him no matter how much I wanted to. Instead I pulled out my savings from one of the drawers and counted the right amount of money I knew I’d need to pay for the pills.

“Where did you get that?” Zack stopped his rant as he saw the money in my hands, “How much do you have?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I muttered, putting the right amount into my pocket, hiding the rest of it back inside the drawer.

“You have more money than any of us in the given moment and yet you still need more?” he exclaimed, his eyes following my hands as I closed the drawer and turned to face him.

“I need more than any of you, that’s why I need to have more,” I sneered.

Zack crossed his arms over his chest, “For what? Your pills?”

“You don’t know how much they cost,” I gritted my teeth, “and don’t you dare touch my money, I know how much I have there,” I pushed past him, grabbing my keys and phone from the living room before leaving the apartment.

\---  
As soon as I was back in the car with my pills in hand, I popped two in my mouth, swallowing them with water from the bottle that I’d left in the car. Now that I was finally out of the apartment I didn’t really want to go back there and have Zack following my every move once again. He out of everyone should’ve understood that it wasn’t really my fault that Jack was in this state now. It seemed like Vic was the understanding one and Jaime was…he was just there, gliding along.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts, stopping when my eyes spotted Josh’s name. I hadn’t seen him since the day he gave me the money. He had been calling me, I’d seen that some of my missed calls were from him but I hadn’t really been in the mood to deal with him then. Now, however, felt like the best time to call him and see what he was up to. I didn’t need anything else from him too so that was kind of good.

He answered fairly quickly, his voice a bit groggy as he said his ‘Hello’.

“Hey,” I started slowly, “I’m sorry I hadn’t answered to any of your calls. There was a lot going on.”

“With your mom?” he sounded a little bit more awake. At least I assumed he’d been sleeping. It was the middle of the day but he was known to go to bed late and wake up even later. If he didn’t have to work the next day, that is.

“Yeah, my mom,” I said quietly.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“Umm…kind of,” I threw the packets of pills on the passenger seat, “I could come over if you’d like,” I suggested.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I can be there in fifteen minutes, if there’s no traffic. That’s cool with you?” I asked, starting the car.

“Totally,” I could hear the smile in his voice as we both hung up our phones.

\---  
I liked Josh’s place. It always seemed so clean and organized. Maybe it was because of the light colors used for everything. Or maybe it was because he actually had hired a maid to come and clean his place once a week. But no matter what the reason was I liked it and I liked spending time there.

“So how is she?” he asked me later that night as we were sitting in his kitchen and eating dinner. Pizza. I liked that about Josh. Despite the money he had, he could still appreciate simple things in life – like ordering a pizza for dinner.

I took a bite as to give myself more time to think of an answer, “I don’t really know,” I said, looking down at the half eaten slice in my hand.

“What do you mean by that? Did they try that new treatment?” he looked at me questioningly.

“Yeah, they did,” an idea popped into my head, “but I wouldn’t say it really helped. I’m not a doctor or anything but judging by her looks I’d say it did nothing. If not make it worse. I mean it doesn’t look like she’s suffering now but…” I stopped myself and quickly looked at Josh.

“What do you mean?” he looked genuinely concerned.

“She’s…sort of asleep. Has been for the last few days,” I spoke rather quickly, “doctors say it’s not coma yet but she could slip into a coma after few more days, if she doesn’t wake up.”

Josh stayed quiet after that, looking thoughtful before speaking up, “Doesn’t that already count as a coma? If she’s been asleep for the last few days?”

“I don’t know,” I almost whispered, my heart leaping in my chest. If Jack really was in a coma he might not wake up. Not any time soon. Or ever. And what good would that do to us? What could we possibly do with Jack in coma? We might still get money but then what? Return him like this? Just drop him off unconscious by his house?

“But people do wake up. Normally people wake up in a few weeks. If it lasts longer then it’s really serious. That’s what I’ve heard at least,” he sent a light smile my way as an attempt to cheer me up. I weakly smiled back, adding a small ‘Thanks’.

\---  
It was a few days later that I received a text message from Jaime. It just said _‘he’s awake.’_ Just two words but that was enough to push Josh’s lips and hands away. I mumbled a quick ‘I gotta go’ and slipped out from under his body, pulling of his shirt I’ve been wearing and putting mine back on.

“What’s going on?” Josh was confused.

“Coffee shop,” I waved my hand in return. I didn’t have time to explain myself. I had to get back to apartment and see what was happening. To be honest I had somehow lost any hope of Jack waking up. I had almost come up with a perfect plan on what to do if he stays like this. But I guess he was a fighter. He might look weak and skinny but deep down he’s fighting.

“Alex,” Josh called me, but I ignored him, running around the room to collect all of my clothes, “Alex,” he repeated louder, getting up from the bed. He put his hands on my shoulders, stopping my movements.

“What,” I huffed, looking in his blue eyes.

He leaned in to press a kiss to my lips, “It’s gonna be alright. With your mom, I mean. Don’t stress about it too much.”

“Yeah, okay,” I relaxed a bit, hugging him close.

\---  
As I returned to our building I chose to not go straight upstairs, instead quickly walking into the coffee shop where Jaime was washing some cups. Or was attempting to do so. He looked worried and if you looked closer you’d be able to see his hands were slightly shaking.

“What’s happening?” I asked as soon as I was right beside him.

“Well,” he put aside the clean cup and took another one in his hands, “he’s apparently awake.”

“Okay…and?” I tried to get more out of him than he was giving me.

He let out a long sigh, “Zack’s upstairs with him now. Don’t know how he is, haven’t been there yet but Zack sent me a text. The same one I sent you. That’s all I know. Although he scared us shitless when he woke up.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. How could Jack do that? He’s been out for the last four days and Zack and Jaime were down at the coffee shop. How could Jack scare them while not even being in the same room as them?

“He fucking screeched! And then there were some thumping noises. I don’t even wanna go up there to see what’s happening,” he lightly shook his head.

Well that was definitely interesting. Apparently the last four days hadn’t been the worst to him since he was lively enough to scream so loudly to be heard down in the café. “Okay, I’ll go and see what’s happening there. If Zack will even let me in the apartment.”

I quickly walked, almost run, up the stairs to reach our apartment. The flat doors were unlocked so I easily opened them to see the doors of my room ajar. I quietly walked over to look inside the room. Jack was sitting on the floor, back pressed against the wall, his eyes blankly staring past Zack who had crouched in front of him, quietly whispering something to Jack. His bandage was peeled off, letting the blood run down his forehead again.

I pushed the door more open and stepped properly in my room, Jack’s eyes fixating on my form. His blank eyes looking deep inside of me, almost through me. It was hard to tell if he was actually seeing me or if it was just a reflex.

“Jack?” Zack called him, his voice full of concern. Jack’s eyes switched from me to Zack and then away again, looking past us both.

“Can you get a clean bandage?” Zack asked, quickly looking at me and for a second looking surprised to see me there. He probably thought it was Jaime or maybe Vic. Definitely not me. I didn’t say anything, just turned around to go to the bathroom for a fresh bandage. When I returned to the room the scene hadn’t changed one bit. It was even a bit uneasy to see Jack’s blank eyes staring at the space above the doors.

I handed the bandage to Zack and stood right in front of Jack to block his view of the clock. I was really interested to see what he’d do. Was he really looking at the clock and seeing it, or was he in his own world? As I stood in front of him, his eyes fell down and once again he was staring at me, right into my eyes, making me feel a bit nervous but I refused to look away. As Zack was wrapping the bandage around his head, Jack looked away, making me feel like a child who’d won a staring contest. I still wouldn’t look away from him. Something about his behavior was fascinating.

From the corner of my eye I noticed Zack take a pill and try to give it to Jack only to be ignored. Jack didn’t even look at it. He didn’t look at Zack nor did he acknowledge the pill being presented to him. Zack looked up at me, as if asking ‘what’s that supposed to mean?’

I crouched down next to him and took the small pill out of his fingers.

“Just don’t hit him again,” Zack said in a weak tone, sounding like a tired mother.

“I got my pills,” I simply replied, pushing the pill between Jack’s lips before he slightly opened his mouth. I almost let a smirk appear on my lips. Instead I reached for the water bottle, placed on the floor, and pushed it against Jack’s lips as well. He leant his head back against the wall, letting the water flow in his mouth.

“Now just hope he doesn’t choke on it,” I mumbled, screwing the bottle shut and looking back at Jack’s blank eyes. He still looked way too pale, but I wasn’t expecting anything else since he had just woken up. What worried me the most was his eyes. Maybe it was normal after being out for four days but I still didn’t like his blank stare. And him ignoring us.

“Thank god he woke up today cause I was thinking – one more day and I’m taking him to the hospital. Make up some story about how I found him behind our coffee shop or something,” Zack said quietly. I just looked at him and silently thanked my pills cause if not for the pills I might’ve started yelling at him. Instead I was just thinking ‘what an idiot.’ If he’d done that, he would be suspect number one.

He stayed quiet after that, just looking at Jack. We were both just looking at him. Like an animal at a zoo. In his crate. Trying to ignore people around him but being highly aware of them. But was Jack really aware of our presence? He could be. Or not.

“You need to go down to the coffee shop,” Zack suddenly broke our not-so-comfortable silence.

“Why?” I asked.

“Since you have your pills now, you’re not gonna kill any of our customers. You need to work,” he smiled at me and stood up, pulling me up by my arm and pushing me out of my room.

So that’s what I did. The next three days, as a minimum, I was doomed to work full shifts at the coffee shop. Of course, I was never left alone there. That would just be cruel. But I had to be there from opening till closing time.

Every night I returned back to apartment and went straight to my room to change into more comfortable clothes. Seeing Jack snoozing in the corner of my room, a quick thought of ‘maybe we should put him in bed or on a couch’ ran through my mind, but it was gone as fast as it appeared.

I walked out of the room and went to the kitchen to make myself some tea and heat up a bagel I picked up from the coffee shop. That’s how splendid my dinner was gonna be. At least it was going to be warm. All three of my housemates were in the kitchen, sitting around our small table. I groaned inwardly when all of their heads turned to look at me.

“What’s up?” I asked, walking over to the kitchen counter to prepare my dinner.

“We should try to feed him,” Vic spoke up, “he probably won’t eat that much. He barely ate before this happened, don’t think he’s gonna be too delighted to see the food now.”

“If he’s even going to realize that he’s being fed,” I replied, taking a cup out of the cupboard.

“Nonetheless we should try to give him something,” Jaime insisted, “if he’s not going to get anything to eat, he’s not going to heal!”

They were right. To be healthy (as healthy as he can be living here) he needed to eat. On the other hand, he was causing less problems being like this. He wasn’t talking back, he was less observant of his surroundings and he was pretty much pliant in our hands. Like a teddy bear.

As I was sitting in the living room, eating my bagel and watching tv, I heard them moving around in the kitchen, talking about what to give Jack. I didn’t think it would work, not now at least, so I just let them be and it looked like Zack was relieved when I left them alone. We hadn’t had any big fights during the past few days but he still kept his distance, eyeing me whenever I got too close to my room and Jack. It was annoying but at least he kept his mouth shut.

It was almost twenty minutes later that Zack walked into the room like a scolded child and asked, “Can you come and help?”

I chuckled at his tone and facial expression, “Why? You three can’t feed one guy? He can barely move.”

“Stop being an ass and help us,” he looked at me expectantly.

“Fuck off,” I shrugged him off and returned my attention to the screen.

\---  
It was dark and at first I didn’t even realize what was happening or why I was slipping away from the soft sleep, but then I heard it again. The noise that woke me up. There were whimpers and rapid breathing coming from Jack’s corner.

“Ughh, stop it,” I pulled the blanket over my head to try and block him out, but his whimpers got louder. And then he started gagging, “Oh shit, no.” I jumped out of the bed, nearly falling face first on the floor and ran to the bathroom to grab a bucket. He could not puke all over my floor. I was not going to clean up all that shit.

I flicked on the light in my room to see Jack’s heaving body in the corner of my room, where he was handcuffed to the heater. “Don’t you dare puke on the floor,” I ran to Jack and tried to pull his legs down so I could push the bucket under his face. He was trying to get out of my grip while still gagging. And maybe (hopefully) it was my imagination, but I was already feeling the smell of puke.

“God damn it, Jack!” I growled at him, forcing his legs down and pushing the bucket in his lap in time for him to start puking. There really wasn’t much coming out, mostly just water and what was left of the pills Zack gave him. He was more dry-heaving than anything.

When he was done I pulled the bucket away and put the water bottle against his lips. He turned his head away and closed his eyes.

“Drink this,” I pushed the bottle against his lips with more force but he kept turning his head away, “Drink the water, Barakat!” he finally opened his mouth wide enough for me to pour some water in his mouth, all the while staring right into my eyes.

When I took the bottle away he leant his head against the wall and closed his eyes. I reached my hand up to scratch my nose only to realize that I had nothing covering my face. I looked at him mortified, my face getting almost as pale as Jack’s.

‘He’s out of it. He doesn’t understand what’s happening around him,’ I told myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy, it's my turn to say - im alive and let's just hope this doesn't happen again


End file.
